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Mrs. Grednik, who was a little on the chubby side, was at her weight-watchers meeting ."My husband insists I come to these meetings because he would rather screw a woman with a trim figure." she lamented to the woman next to her. "Well," the lady replied, "what's wrong with that?" "He likes to do it while I'm stuck at these damn meetings."
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1
A travelling salesman stopped alongside a field on a country road to rest a few minutes. The man had just closed his eyes when a horse came to the fence and began to boast about his past. "Yes sir, I'm a fine horse. I've run in 25 races and won over £5 million. I keep my trophies in the barn." The salesman worked out the value of having a talking horse, found the horse's owner and offered a handsome sum for the animal. "Oh, you don't want that horse," said the farmer. "Yes I do," said the salesman, "and I'll give you £10,000 for the horse." Recognising a good deal, the farmer said without hesitation, "He's yours." While he wrote out his cheque, the salesman asked, "By the way, why wouldn't I want your horse?" "Because," said the farmer, "he's a liar - he hasn't won a race in his life."
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2
Two men were walking through the woods when a large bear walked out into the clearing no more than 50 feet in front of them. The first man dropped his backpack and dug out a pair of running shoes, then began to furiously attempt to lace them up as the bear slowly approached them. The second man looked at the first, confused, and said, "What are you doing? Running shoes aren't going to help, you can't outrun that bear." "I don't need to," said the first man, "I just need to outrun you."
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3
A woman got a problem with her closet door - it was felling every time a bus was passing by. So she called a repair man. The repairman comes and sees that indeed, the door falls out every time when a bus passes by. "OK, I am gonna see what is going on, just close the door behind me" and he stepps into the closet. At that time the husband comes from work, opens the closet and finds the repairman. Husband: "What the hell are you doing here!" Repairman:"Well, you are not going to believe it, but I am waiting for a bus!" Sent by Ser
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4
Q: Why did the woman cross the road? A: More to the point, what was she doing outside of the kitchen?
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5
Q: What was the last thing to go through Cobain's mind? A: The roof of his mouth.
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6
Q: What will it take to reunite Nirvana??? A: Two more bullets...
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7
Q: What do you have when you have two green balls in your hand? A: Kermit's undivided attention.
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8
Q: What similarities are there in a condom and a casket? A: You come in one and leave in the other, and they both hold stiffs.
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9
Q: How do you get a Blonde to Marry you? A: Tell her she's Pregnant.
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10
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