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What are the three words you don't want to hear while making love? "Honey, I'm home!"
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1
She: What do you love most, my natural beauty or my body? He: Your sense of humor.
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2
An old man goes to a church, and is making a confession: Man: Father, I am 75 years old. I have been married for 50 years. All these years I had been faithful to my wife, but yesterday I was intimate with an 18 year old. Father: When was the last time you made a confession? Man: I never have, I am Jewish. Father: Then why are telling me all this? Man: I am telling everybody ...
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3
Need a change? Here's the Spice Girls Application Form . . . Name: Age: Real Age: 1. How would you describe yourself? a. An energetic self starter b. A team player c. Pro-active d. A tasty bit of crumpet 2. Do you have any vestige of talent, besides your chest or butt? 3. Would it bother you if you were the target of unrelenting hatred? 4. Are you willing to trade sexual favours for a career in the music industry? a. Yes b. No 5.How many times have you been kicked out of karaoke bar? 6. Does nudity bother you? If so give three excuses for your portfolio. 7. Explain the difficulties in identifying the source of individual free will in light of the deterministic theories of neurochemical medicine and modern behaviourist psychology. ...just kidding!! 6. Seriously, do you like wearing leather mini-skirts? a. Yes b. No 8. Are you deceptively attractive in coloured or stroboscopic light? 9. Choose an appropriate SPICE nickname: a. Sexy b. Nasty c. Sweetie d. Eezie e. Syphilis f. Olde 10. Choose an appropriate SPICE image: a. Cute, blonde, appeals to paedophiles b. Tub of lard c. Bloke in a tracksuit d. Vacant stare, no discernible brain activity e. Terrifying to small children and old men f. All of the above 11. Do you promise to make two albums and then go away forever? a. Yes b. No 12. Elvis Costello is________________. a. the king of rock and roll b. former partner to Bud Abbott c. Ollet Socsivle backwards d. oh, you know, this guy 13. If two trains leave Liverpool an hour apart at 90 kilometres and 75 kilometres an hour respectively, how would you look in a bikini? 14. If required as part of your contract, would you be willing to help alleviate Prince Charles' loneliness? a. Yes b. No 15. List three body parts you'd be willing to pierce and expose continuously. 16. In the space provided, tell us why you want, why you really, really, want this job.
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4
How do you sink a Polish submarine? You knock on the door.
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5
Why does the University of Tennesse football team wear orange to all their Saturday games? So that they can wear the same outfit to go hunting on Sunday, and to work on Monday.
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6
Why don't Mexicans teach driver's Ed. and Sex Education on the same day? Because they don't want to wear out the donkey.
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7
What's the difference between a black and a white fairy tale? A white one starts off with "Once upon a time...". A black one starts off with "Yo ass ain't gonna believe dis shit..."
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8
The three survivors of the shipwreck were being driven mad by hunger. The Irishman, an expert navigator, told the others that if they could row the lifeboat for three more days they could make landfall. The Pole, the ship's doctor, said that they could not possibly last that long, that there was only one solution to the problem and that one of them would have to sacrifice themselves for the good of the others. The Englishman, the captain, said that he quite understood and that he would volunteer as he should have gone down with the ship anyway. After saying an emotional farewell to his crewmen, the captain jumped overboard and sank without trace.
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9
What's a Jewish American Princess's idea of kinky sex? She moves.
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