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Q: How many managers does it take to change a light bulb? A: We've formed a task force to study the problem of why light bulbs burn out, and figure out what, exactly, we as supervisors can do to make the bulbs work smarter, not harder.
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1
The Pope and Queen Elizabeth were standing on a balcony beaming at thousands of people in the forecourt below. The Queen says to the Pope out of the corner of her mouth, "I bet you a tenner that I can make every English person in the crowd go wild with just a wave of my hand." The Pope says, "No way. You can't do that." The Queen says, "Watch this." So the Queen waves her hand and every English person in the crowd goes crazy, waving their little plastic Union Jacks on sticks and cheering, basically going ballistic. So the Pope is standing there thinking, "Uh oh, what am I going to do? I never thought she'd be able to do it." So he thinks to himself for a minute and then he turns to her and says, "I bet you I can make every Irish person in the crowd go wild, not just now, but for the rest of the week, with just one nod of my head." The Queen goes, "No way, it can't be done." So the Pope headbutts her.
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2
Little Freddie said to Little Johnny, "My dad's tougher than your dad!" "Oh yeah?" said Little Johnny, "My dad is so tough, he has lightbulbs for dinner!" "Really?" Yeah, the other night I heard him tell my mom, 'Turn out the light, I wanna eat it!'"
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3
A woman shows up at the white house in a trench coat and scarf and says, "I received your emergency phone call, Mrs. Clinton, and came right away, but what could "I" possibly do to save the country?" Mrs. Clinton: "Come inside and let me explain, Mrs. Bobbit..."
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4
What is the difference between a wicker basket and a wicker box? A wicker basket is what little red riding hood took to grandma's house. A wicker box is what Elmer Fudd did to little red riding hood.
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5
One of my first evenings back from overseas, my girl's understanding parents left us alone in the living room. Naturally, we did not talk all the time. In the midst of a kiss, I noticed her little sister in her nightgown watching us from the doorway. "If you will be a good girl and go to bed, I will give you a quarter," I said to her. Without taking the bribe or saying a word, she ran off but soon was back again. "Here is a dollar," she said. "I wanna watch."
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6
A big fat housewife is on her hands and knees, scrubbing the kitchen floor, when she suddenly yells to her husband, "Come here quick, Charlie! I'm paralyzed! I can't get up!" He comes in, takes a look, and says, "Stand up, you silly old bat. You're kneeling on one of your tits."
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7
The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time. She was reluctant to call upon little Johnnie, knowing that he sometimes could be a bit crude. But eventually his turn came. Little Johnnie walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down. Well the teacher couldn't figure out what Johnnie had in mind for his report on something exciting, so she asked him just what that was. "It's a period" reported Johnnie. "Well I can see that" she said. "But what is so exciting about a period?" "Damned if I know" said Johnnie, "but this morning my sister said she missed one. Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted and the man next door shot himself."
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8
Two poor kids were invited by a rich kid to a swimming party at his pool. When they were changing into their swim trunks, one turned to the other and said: "Did you notice the small dongs on the rich kids?" The other answered: "Yeah! It's probably because they have toys to play with!"
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9
I must take every precaution not to get pregnant," said Edna to Priscilla. "But I thought you said your hubby had a vasectomy," Priscilla responded. "He did. That's why I have to take every precaution."
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10
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