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How do you confuse a blonde? Put her in a round room and tell her to pee in the corner. How do you confuse her even more? Ask her where she went. Sent by Chris
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1
Why can't a man eat like a bird? Have you ever tried to pick up food with your pecker? Sent by Chris
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2
Two burglars broke into a building and stole a calendar. They both got 6 months. Sent by Jimbo
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3
How come Mexico never has a good Olympic team? Because all of the mexicans that can run, jump, or swim are in the U.S.
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4
THREE GAY GUYS WERE ALL IN A CAR CRASH AND DIED. ALL THREE GUYS WERE CREMATED. THERE BOYFRIENDS WERE TALKING ABOUT WHAT THEY WERE GOING TO DO WITH THE ASHES. THE FIRST BOYFRIEND SAID I AM GOING TO SKY DIVE AND SPREAD HIS ASHES IN THE SKY BECAUSE THATS WHAT HE LIKED. THE SECOND GUY SAID I AM GOING TO SPREAD MY BOYFRIENDS ASHES IN THE SEA BECAUSE IT'S WHAT HE LIKED. THE THIRD GUY SAID I'M GOING TO PUT MY BOYFRIENDS ASHES IN A BOWL OF CHILI SO HE CAN RIP THROUGH MY ASS ONE LAST TIME!! Sent by ANTHONY
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5
What is the difference between a Certificate of Deposit and Intercourse? A Certificate of Deposit has significant penalty for early withdrawl. Sent by Josh
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6
What do you see when the pillsbary dough boy bends over? Doughnuts Sent by Susan
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7
For all of you out there who've had to deal with an irate customer, this one is for you. It's a classic! In tribute to those 'special' customers we all love! An award should go to the United Airlines gate agent in Denver for being smart and funny, and making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo. A crowded United flight was canceled. A single agent was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS." The agent replied, "I'm sorry sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out." The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "Do you have any idea who I am?" Without hesitating, the gate agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone. "May I have your attention please?" she began, her voice bellowing throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at the gate WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to the gate." With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United agent, gritted his teeth and swore, "F*** you." Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to stand in line for that, too."
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8
A guy was pulled over by a cop. The cop says to the guy you're eyes are bloodshot have you been drinking. The guy says tothe cop you're eyes are glazed have you been eating donuts Sent by paul
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9
A new American ambassador was being entertained by an African diplomat. They'd spent the day discussing what the country had received from the Russians before the new government kicked them out. "The Russians built us a power plant, a highway, and an airport. Plus, we learned to drink vodka and play Russian roulette." The American frowned. "Russian roulette's not a very nice game." The diplomat smiled. "That's why we developed African roulette. If you want to have good relations with our country, you'll have to play. "I'll show you how." He pushed a buzzer, and a moment later, six magnificently built, nude women were ushered in. "You can choose any one of those women to give you oral sex," he told the American. "That's great," the ambassador said, "but it doesn't seem much like Russian roulette." "Oh, it is. One of them is a cannibal."
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10
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