Today's stories [2.11.21]

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Can you imagine working for this organization? It has less than 550 
employees with the following statistics: 

*29 have been accused of spousal abuse
*7 have been arrested for fraud
*19 have been accused of writing bad checks
*117 have bankrupted at least two businesses
*3 have been arrested for assault
*71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
*14 have been arrested on drug related charges
*8 have been arrested for shoplifting
*21 are current defendants in lawsuits
*In 1998 alone, 84 were stopped for drunk driving 

Can you guess which organization this is? 

Give up? 

It's the 535 members of The United States Congress;
the same group that cranks the laws designed to
keep the rest of us in line.

A Contender for the Darwin Awards 

(Courtesy of the Japan Times -April 16, 1997) 

"The government must crack down on this disgusting craze of Pumping", a 
spokesman for the Nakhon Ratchasima hospital told reporters. "If this 
perversion catches on, it will destroy the cream of Thailand's manhood." 

He was speaking after the remains of 13 year-old Charnchai Puanmuangpak 
had been rushed into the hospital's emergency room. "Most 'Pumpers' use a 
standard bicycle pump," he explained, inserting the nozzle far up their 
rectum, giving themselves a rush of air, creating a momentary high. This 
act is a sin against God." 

Charnchai took it further still. He started using a two-cylinder foot 
pump, but even that wasn't exciting enough for him, and he boasted to 
friends that he was going to try the compressed air hose at a nearby 
gasoline station. They dared him to do it so, under cover of darkness, he 
snuck in. Not realizing how powerful the machine was, he inserted the tube 
deep into his rectum, and placed a coin in the slot. As a result, he died 
virtually instantly, but passers by are still in shock. One woman thought 
she was watching a twilight firework display, and started clapping. 

"We still haven't located all of him.", say the police authorities. "When 
that quantity of air interacted with the gas in his system, he nearly 
exploded. It was like an atom bomb went off or something." 

"Pumping is the devil's pastime, and we must all say no to satan," the 
spokesman for the Nakhon Ratchasima hospital concluded. "Inflate your 
tires by all means, but then hide your bicycle pump where it cannot tempt 
you."

Reverend Billy Graham tells of a time early in his ministry
when he arrived in a small town to preach a sermon. Wanting
to mail a letter, he asked a young boy where the post office
was. When the boy had told him, Dr. Graham thanked him and
said, "If you'll come to the Baptist Church this evening,
you can hear me telling everyone how to get to heaven."
"I don't think I'll be there," the boy said.
"You don't even know where your way to the post office."

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