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Today's jokes [2.8.21]

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   Great A Hot & Juicy Story

   Well, I was loafin' around the salad bar at the burger stand one chili
   day on Coney Island, when I Frito-Lay'd my eyes on the sweetest little
   tomato I'd ever seen. Let's just say I could tell she wasn't gonna be
   ice-cold or taste like some of those cheaper spreads I'd eaten.
   So I mustard up my courage and I whispered, "Hey, Mama Bird! You got a
   sweet set of sesame-seed buns, and I'd live to bury my open-face in
   your McMuffin snack pack. And maybe later I could drive-in my Jumbo
   Jack in your Box. So, what's your name, anyway?"
   "Wendy," she replied, and said that her buns were always hot and
   fresh. Well, it seemed like an invitation to me, so I unzipped my
   French-fly, pulled down my hash-browns and whipped out my
   Quarter-Pounder.
   She took one look at my foot-long Weinerschnitzel and said, "Holy
   enchirito, what a Whopper! I haven't seen a sausage and a pair of
   McNuggets like that since I was in the sack with Long John Silver over
   at the Colonel's place, and I probably won't see another 'til Foster
   freezes over. And believe me, I relish the thought of squeezin' the
   mayonnaise right outta that big Sloppy Joe of yours."
   I said, "Look, honey...those meatheads are just horseradish. I'm the
   supreme Burger King around here. And by the way, aren't you hungry?"
   "Yeah," she shot back, "I haven't even had my breakfast, Jack." It
   wasn't long before she was munching on my Big Mac and eventually took
   down the whole enchilada. I could tell I wouldn't be able to hold the
   pickles or hold the lettuce much longer, so I just blew a whole gallon
   of my lo-cal secret sauce to go. She took a big gulp and giggled,
   "Oooh, that's fast food. A bit salty, but quality you can taste...and
   finger lickin' good, too!"
   She said, "So what's yer name, hot dog? Orange you Julius?"
   "No," I replied, but you can call me Pizza Man, 'cause I deliver!"
   Well anyway, I turned her around, tore off her wrapper, and wedged my
   Big Boy between her patties and right up into her hot cherry bendover.
   She screamed, "I FOUND THE BEEF, I FOUND THE BEEF!" which just gave me
   the urge to keep pounding my SuperBurrito in and out...in and
   out...and in and out...and in and out of her hot little micro.
   Well, we were still playing Pup 'n' Taco , when she confessed her real
   name wasn't Wendy...but Ronald.
   Hey, it wasn't my bag, but at least I wouldn't have to worry about
   taking her over to see Dr. Pepper to have him pull a Carl's Jr. out of
   her oven.
   Yeah, little did I know that I had spend the night not with a saucy
   little fish filet, but with a flaming Dairy Queen!


1. 




 DAYS
A bartender is sitting behind the bar on a typical day, when the door bursts
open and in come four exuberant blondes. They come up to th bar, order five
bottles of champagne and ten glasses, take their order over and sit down at a
large table.  The corks are popped, the glasses are filled and  they  begin
toasting and chanting, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"  Soon, three more blondes
arrive, take up their drinks and the  chanting grows. "51 days, 51 days, 51
days!" Two more blondes show up and soon  their voices are joined in raising
the roof. "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"  Finally, the tenth blonde comes in with
a picture under her arm.  She walks over to the table, sets the picture in the
middle and the table  erupts. Up jumps the others, they begin dancing around
the table, exchanging  high-fives, all the while chanting "51 days, 51 days, 51
days!"
The bartender can't contain his curiosity any longer, so he walks over to the
table.  There in the center is a beautifully framed child's puzzle of the
Cookie Monster.  When the frenzy dies down a little bit, the  bartender asks
one of the blondes, "What's all the chanting and celebration about?


The blonde who brought in the picture pipes in, "Everyone thinks that blondes
are dumb and they make fun of us.  So, we decided to set the record  straight.
Ten of us got together, bought that puzzle and put it together. . .the side of
the box said 2-4 years, but we put it together in 51 days ! " 



2. 




   Little Johnny

   A traveling salesman rings this doorbell. 10 year old little Johnny
   answers, holding a beer and smoking a fat cigar. The salesman says, 
   "little boy is your mother home?" Little Johnny taps his ash on the
   carpet and says, "what do you think?"
   


3. 




There were these three blokes sitting on the high cliffs of a lonely 
beach, with a rope going down into the surf and a Chinaman frantically 
trying to climb up.
While they were sitting there a Priest walks along, looks over and says, 
"God bless you children, that's Christianity at work. May the lord bless 
you both," and then kept on walking.
One bloke looks at the other, "Who the fuck was that?" "Oh," said the 
other bloke, "that's Father Johnston. He knows all there is about the 
bible."
The other bloke looked around and quickly says, "Well he knows fuck 
all about shark fishing."

4. 




Q. Why is psycho- analysis so much easier for men rather
than women? 
A. Because when it comes time to revert to childhood, men
are already there.

5. 



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