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Today's jokes [2.7.21]

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Names to Use in Prank Calls



                                         Hugh G. Rection
                                           Jim Nassium
                                         Claire Voyence
                                          Buster Hyman
                                    Anita Moore (Roger's Mom)
                                           Dick Peede
                                            Mike Hunt

                                        Mai Dixie Wrecked
                                      Jon Doe's brother Dil

1. 




Two story house

A man appears before a judge one day, asking for a divorce.
The judge quietly reviews some papers and then says,
"Please tell me why you are seeking a divorce."

"Because," the man says,"I live in a two-story house."

The Judge replies, "What kind of a reason is that?
What is the big deal about a two-story house?"

The man answers, "Well Judge, one story is 'I have a headache' 
and the other story is 'It's that time of the month.'

2. 




A blonde came running home to her mother, sobbing and hysterical.
"What's wrong?" her mum, (another blonde) asked.
"My boyfriend's just dropped me!" wailed the blonde.
Her mother nodded wisely and started to tell her all about the birds and 
the bees.
"No mum," the blonde interrupted. "You don't understand - I can fuck and 
suck with the best of them, but he says I can't cook!"

3. 




Handy guide to modern science:
If it's green or wriggles, it's biology.
If it stinks, it's chemistry.
If it doesn't work, it's physics.

4. 




There's this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish
who kept confessing to adultery. One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said,
"If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!" 

Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone
who had committed adultery would say they had "fallen."

This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well, until the
priest died at a ripe old age. About a week after the new priest
arrived, he visited the mayor of the town and seemed very concerned.

The priest said, "You have to do something about the sidewalks in
town. When people come into the confessional, they keep talking about
having fallen." 

The mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had told the new
priest about the code word.

Before the mayor could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at
the mayor and said, "I don't know what you're laughing about, your
wife fell three times this week."

5. 



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