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Today's jokes [2.11.21]

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A man finally goes with his wife to church.  The man was so impressed
with the preacher's sermon he stopped on the way out to shake his hand.

"Preacher, I'll tell you, that was a DAMNED fine sermon."  The preacher
says "Why thank you sir, but we don't used profanity in the house of 
the Lord".

The man says, "But preacher, that was the best DAMNED sermon I ever 
heard."  The preacher says again, "sir I must be blunt, DO NOT use 
curse words in the Lords house again".  

The man says "Well I was so impressed with your sermon that I
placed $1000 dollars in the collection plate".  

The preacher says "NO SHIT"?



1. 




Q:  Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved
    in the voodoo or occult?
A:  We both do.
Q:  Voodoo?
A:  We do.
Q:  You do?
A:  Yes, voodoo.

2. 




Why wasn't Jesus born in America?

They couldn't find 3 wise men and a virgin.

3. 




Two children are in a doctor's waiting room, and one of them is crying. 
"Why are you crying?" asked the other child. 
"I'm here for a blood test, and they're going to cut my finger." 
When he heard this, the other child started to cry. 
"Why are you crying?" 
"I'm here for a urine test."

4. 




What is green and eats nuts? 

    Herpes! 

5. 



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