Today's stories [1.2.21]
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Modern parents believe toilet training should be an easy and
casual affair. Just let the child s*%# all over everything. This
prepares him or her for a brilliant career as a talk show host.
It used to be thought that children should act like "little
adults". Like many things that used to be thought, this is true. In
fact, now more than ever. Today's real adults are self-involved,
impulsive, inarticulate, and spend as much time as possible out
playing. They can't sit still, don't like to get dressed up, and hate
every kind of activity that requires self-restraint. Adults are the
children of today, and therefore children have to be adults because
there's only so much room in the world for kids.
The scientists responsible for the first successful cloning
of a mammal say it took years of trial and error. Which is why you
never hear songs by Kennys A through F.
The Roslin lab in Scotland is scheduled for a government budget cut.
"But that won't have much effect," says Michael X. Ferraro. "Once you've
cloned sheep, it's not that difficult to counterfeit money."
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