Today's stories [1.11.21]

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A Malaysian monkey that had been trained to gather
coconuts from trees demonstrated a pressing need for
a refresher course when it leapt onto the shoulders
of a passer-by in Kuala Lumpur and tried to twist
his head off. The passer-by was treated at a local
hospital for a sprained neck.

A World War II veteran came into a London clinic with a haemorrhoid 
problem. One painful pile would often hang down from the man's anus and 
he was in the habit of pushing it back up with an artillery shell. On 
this occasion, the shell got stuck. Doctors were going to remove it 
but the man told them the shell was still live. So the hospital called in 
the army bomb disposal squad, who built a lead box around the 
man's anus to defuse the shell before it could be removed. 

Last winter I was laid up at home with the flu. My fiancee' called and 
volunteered to come over and fix dinner and play nursemaid to me. I 
declined, not wanting to pass on the flu to her. "Okay honey", she told 
me, "Will wait till after we get married. Then we can spend the rest ofour 
lives making each other sick!"

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