Today's jokes [9.7.20]
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Do you know why single women can't fart?
Because, they don't get assholes untill they get married.
Armando went to his neighbor and asked, "Hey Carlos, do you
like a woman who has a beeg stomach steeking oll the way
"No," says Carlos.
Armando asks, "Do you like a woman whose teets hang
almost to her knees?"
"No," says Carlos.
"Well, Carlos, would you like a woman whose heeps are so
"Caramba! No, amigo!" Carlos replied.
"Theen tell me why," asked Armando, "do you keep screwing
A teacher was having trouble teaching arithmetic to Little Johnny . So she
said , "If you reached in your right pocket and found a nickel, and you
reached in your left pocket and found another one, what would you have?"
"Somebody else's pants." said the Little Johnny.
Back in the 1960's white activists often got their hair styled in
an afro -- a large bush-style hairdoo -- to show support for civil
One such fellow did so, and arrived home smiling and announced
that he'd also teased all his pubic hair into the same bushy style.
His wife, who had had it with her spouse's endless posturing,
sneered, "Great... just great... now during foreplay I'll have
to look for a needle in a haystack."
A man in a state of excessive inebriation rolled up at a
fairground rifle range booth and threw down the necessary
money. The booth operator at first refused to let him have a
turn, considering that his inebriated state would endanger the
public. But the drunk insisted and was given a gun.
He aimed unsteadily in the general direction of the target and
after tying to focus, pulled the trigger three times. The booth
owner, on inspecting the target, was astonished to see that he
had scored three bullseyes. The star prize for the evening was
a large set of glassware, but the showman was certain that the
drunk wasn't aware of what he had done, and gave him instead
a consolation prize, a small, live turtle. The drunk wandered
off into the crowd.
An hour or so later he came back, even more drunk than
before. Once again the showman demurred, but once again the
drunk insisted, and once more scored three bullseyes and was
given another turtle.
Eventually the drunk rolled up again and insisted on a third
attempt. Once more he picked up the rifle, waved it around in
the general direction of the target, and pulled the trigger three
times. Once more he had scored three bullseyes. But this time
there was an onlooker with good eyesight."That's fantastic", the
man said. "Hasn't he scored three bulls?"
The showman, cursing his luck, made a show of going over to
the target and inspecting it closely.
"Yes, sir!", he announced to the crowd. "This is fantastic!
Congratulations, sir, you have won the star prize, this
magnificent 68-piece set of glassware!"
"I don't want any bloody glasses", the drunk replied. "Give me
another one of those little crusty meat pies!"
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