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Today's jokes [9.7.20]

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Do you know why single women can't fart? 

     Because, they don't get assholes untill they get married. 

1. 




Armando went to his neighbor and asked, "Hey Carlos, do you 
like a woman who has a beeg stomach steeking oll the way 
out?" 

"No," says Carlos. 
Armando asks, "Do you like a woman whose teets hang 
almost to her knees?" 

"No," says Carlos. 

"Well, Carlos, would you like a woman whose heeps are so 
mucho grande?" 

"Caramba! No, amigo!" Carlos replied. 

"Theen tell me why," asked Armando, "do you keep screwing 
my wife?"

2. 




A teacher was having trouble teaching arithmetic to Little Johnny . So she 
said , "If you reached in your right pocket and found a nickel, and you 
reached in your left pocket and found another one, what would you have?"
"Somebody else's pants." said the Little Johnny.

3. 




Back in the 1960's white activists often got their hair styled in
an afro -- a large bush-style hairdoo -- to show support for civil
rights.
One such fellow did so, and arrived home smiling and announced
that he'd also teased all his pubic hair into the same bushy style.
His wife, who had had it with her spouse's endless posturing, 
sneered, "Great... just great... now during foreplay I'll have
to look for a needle in a haystack."

4. 




A man in a state of excessive inebriation rolled up at a 
fairground rifle range booth and threw down the necessary 
money. The booth operator at first refused to let him have a 
turn, considering that his inebriated state would endanger the 
public. But the drunk insisted and was given a gun.

He aimed unsteadily in the general direction of the target and 
after tying to focus, pulled the trigger three times. The booth 
owner, on inspecting the target, was astonished to see that he 
had scored three bullseyes. The star prize for the evening was 
a large set of glassware, but the showman was certain that the 
drunk wasn't aware of what he had done, and gave him instead 
a consolation prize, a small, live turtle. The drunk wandered 
off into the crowd.

An hour or so later he came back, even more drunk than 
before. Once again the showman demurred, but once again the 
drunk insisted, and once more scored three bullseyes and was 
given another turtle.

Eventually the drunk rolled up again and insisted on a third 
attempt. Once more he picked up the rifle, waved it around in 
the general direction of the target, and pulled the trigger three 
times. Once more he had scored three bullseyes. But this time 
there was an onlooker with good eyesight."That's fantastic", the 
man said. "Hasn't he scored three bulls?"

The showman, cursing his luck, made a show of going over to 
the target and inspecting it closely.

"Yes, sir!", he announced to the crowd. "This is fantastic! 
Congratulations, sir, you have won the star prize, this 
magnificent 68-piece set of glassware!"

"I don't want any bloody glasses", the drunk replied. "Give me 
another one of those little crusty meat pies!"

5. 



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