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Today's jokes [8.1.20]

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Sam was on his death bed, and his wife and children were gathered
around him. Suddenly the aroma of chopped liver filled the room.

Sam perked up a bit and said to his wife, "That's it, one last time
before I die I must have some of your delicious chopped liver."

Sam's wife looked at him sadly and said, "Sorry Sam, it's for after." 

1. 




What do you call a blonde in the freezer?

A Frosted Flake. 


2. 




A decorated war veteran, fresh off the bus, is looking for a place to 
stay. He hears that room and board is available from the three old 
spinsters at the edge of town, but is advised they are very picky in 
letting strangers stay there.  He decides to chance it, and limps on up to 
the front door.
His knock is answered by Gladys.  "What do you want, sonny?" she asks him.
"Ma'am, I'm just looking for a hot meal and a room for the night," he
answers.
The other two old spinsters gather around the door.  "Who's out there? 
Does he look decent?" they ask.
Gladys says, "It's a soldier, and he's got a Purple Heart on."
The other two spinsters giggle and say, "The hell with what color it is...
let him in!"

3. 




What's long and hard and excites a girl when
she's finally lucky enough to get on it?

The road to success!

4. 




One of Sigmund Freud's early patients rushed out into an 
Austrian afternoon on her way to meet her best friend at a 
coffee house. 
Over Cappuccino and Viennese pastries, she suddenly burst 
out crying.
Her friend begged her to share what was wrong.
"Oh, it's just terrible," she wailed. "Today the doctor told me 
I'm in love with my father, and. . .and. . .and you know, he's a 
married man!"

5. 



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