Today's jokes [6.8.20]
Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes.
Also, links to joke categories and "Email Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your joke reading.
Q: What's the difference between a policeman's knightstick
and a magician's wand?
A: A Magician's wand is for cunning stunts.
Three blondes were driving down the highway trying
to get to Disneyland. They saw a sign that read 'DisneyLand Left.'
So they went home.
Two guys are susposed to meet at 4:30. Charley shows up at
4:30 and waits. Finally, at almost 5:00, Paul shows up and
Charley says, "Where have you been? You're a 1/2 hour late."
Paul replies, "Sorry, I had to go to the dentist. My dick's
been hurting bad."
Charley says, "If your dick's been hurting, why did you go
to the dentist?"
Paul answers, "Because I had a tooth stuck in it."
Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream
on her face.
"Why do you do that, Mommy?"
"To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing
the cream with a tissue.
"What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?"
A guy driving a Yugo pulls up at a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce. The driver of the Yugo
rolls down his window and shouts to the driver of the Rolls, "Hey, buddy, that's a nice car.
You got a phone in your Rolls? I've got one in my Yugo!"
The driver of Rolls looks over and says simply, "Yes I have a phone." The driver of the Yugo
says, "Cool! Hey, you got a fridge in there, too? I've got a fridge in the back seat of my
Yugo!" The driver of the Rolls, looking annoyed, says, "Yes, I have a refrigerator."
The driver of the Yugo says, "That's great, man! Hey, you got a TV in there, too? You know, I
got a TV in the back seat of my Yugo!" The driver of the Rolls, looking very annoyed by now,
says, "Of course I have a television. A Rolls-Royce is the finest luxury car in the world!"
The driver of the Yugo says, "Very cool car! Hey, you got a bed in there too? I got a bed in
the back of my Yugo!" Upset that he did not have a bed, the driver of the Rolls-Royce sped
away, and went straight to the dealer, where he promptly ordered that a bed be installed in
the back of the Rolls. The next morning, the driver of the Rolls picked up the car, and the bed
looked superb, with satin sheets and brass trim. It was clearly a bed fit for a Rolls Royce.
So the driver of the Rolls begins searching for the Yugo, and he drove all day.
Finally, late at night, he finds the Yugo parked, with all the windows fogged up from the
inside. The driver of the Rolls got out and knocked on the Yugo. When there wasn't any answer,
he knocked and knocked, and eventually the owner stuck his head out, soaking wet.
"I now have a bed in the back of my Rolls-Royce," the driver of the Rolls stated arrogantly.
The driver of the Yugo looked at him and said, "You got me out of the shower to tell me THAT?!?!"
By voting you are helping select today's best joke. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best jokes to send in our daily best humor mailing.
Today's StoriesToday's PoemsToday's QuotesToday's Funny Pic
S M T W Th F St
1 2 3 4 5 6
7 8 9 10 11 12 13
14 15 16 17 18 19 20
21 22 23 24 25 26 27
28 29 30