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Today's jokes [6.11.20]

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Two very successful psychoanalysts occupied offices in the same building. 
One was 40 years old, the other over 70. They rode on the elevator 
together at the end of an unbearable hot, sticky day. The younger man was 
completely done in, and he noted with some resentment that his senior was 
fresh as a daisy. "I don't understand," he marveled, "how you can listen 
to drooling patients from morning till night on a day like this and still 
look so spry and unbothered when it's over."
The older analyst said simply, "Who listens?" 


1. 




Husband: I don't know why you wear a bra, you've got nothing to put in it?

Wife: You wear briefs, don't you? 

2. 




A man goes into a doctor's office and says "Doctor! Doctor! I have five
penises!"
The doctor says,"Good lord! How do your pants fit?"
The man replies, "Like a glove."

3. 




These two guys go to a whorehouse.
The first guy goes in then comes out and says,
"My wife is better."
The second guy goes in then comes out and says,
"You know what? Your wife IS better."

4. 




An old italian couple is walking around in the mall. After
a while they get separated so the woman goes up to the first 
saleswoman she sees and ask: "Escusa me, have you senn-a 
me Tony. He's got a big-a belly and a-lots of curly black hair?" 

The saleswoman answers that she hasn't seen her husband.

So the Italian woman goes to aks another saleswoman: 
"Escusa me, have you senn-a me Tony. He's got a big-a belly 
and a-lots of curly black hair?" 

"No, I'm sorry maam, I haven't seen your husband."

The Italian woman goes to see one more saleswoman and ask: 
"Escusa me, have you senn-a me Tony. He's got a big-a belly 
and a-lots of curly black hair?" 

The saleswoman answers: "Yes I saw him, he ran out of here 
lickety split."

To which the Italian woman answers: "No no no, that's not-a 
my tony, he pinch-a the bum, grab-a the breasts but he no 
lickety split!"

5. 



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