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Today's jokes [4.7.20]

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A husband comes home with a half-gallon of ice cream and asks his wife if 
she wants some.
"How hard is it?" she asks.
"About as hard as my dick." he replies. "Ok, then pour me some!"

1. 




A guy leaves his place at the bar to go have a piss. He comes back about
10 Minutes later, sits down at the bar, muttering & swearing very softly.
The barkeep approaches the customer and asks what the problem is.
"Oh some son-uv-a-bitch snuck up behind me while I was at the urinal and
put a gun to my head".
"Jesus Christ! What happened?"
"He told me to give him a blow job or he'd blow my brains out!"
"Yeah, then what?"
"Well you didn't hear a gun shot, did you?"

2. 




What is the difference between a blonde and Dennis Rodman?



There is no difference.


3. 




What is the similarity between a woman and a washing machine? 

     They both leak when they're fucked! 

4. 




A sixth grade class is doing some spelling drills. The teacher 
asks Tommy if he can spell 'before.' He stands up and says, 
"Before, B-E-P-H-O-R."

The teacher says, "No, that's wrong. Can anyone else spell 
before?"

Another little boy stands up and says, "Before, B-E-F-O-O-R."

Again the teacher says, "No, that's wrong." The teacher asks, 
"Little Johnny, can you spell 'before'?"

Little Johnny stands up and says, "Before, B-E-F-O-R-E." 

"Excellent Johnny, now can you use it in a sentence?"

Little Johnny says, "That's easy. Two plus two be fore."  

5. 



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