Today's Jokes  |  Archives  |  Lists  |  Random  |  Register  |  RandJoke on Your Page  

Today's jokes [4.2.20]

Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes. Also, links to joke categories and "Email Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your joke reading.

Just wanted to check out that you gnarly dudes are using the latest and
greatest software technology fer yer rad code to make it easy for the
dudes who have to read it.  The hip new way to write readable C
code involves the use of a few simple defines.

#define like {
#define man ;}
#define an ;
#define SayBro /*
#define CheckItOut */

SayBro like, this is some rad program, so CheckItOut

    a = b
    c = d

SayBro , like who needs help from them compiler choads anyway?
THIS is the way to write CLEAR code.  I mean really!  CheckItOut

like SayBro this is ShellSort straight out of the white book, but in
a readable form.

CheckItOut man

#define YoDude for(
#define OK     )
#define is     =
#define AND    &&
#define as
#define Do
#define long
#define some
#define make
#define garbage
#define FAROUT

shell(v, n) SayBro sort v[0]...v[n-1] into increasing order CheckItOut
int v[], n;

like int gap, i, j, temp;

YoDude gap is n/2 an as long as gap > 0 Do some garbage an make gap /=2 OK
    YoDude i is gap an as long as i < n Do some garbage an make i++ OK
        YoDude j is i - gap an as long as j >= 0 AND v[j] > v[j+gap] Do some
            garbage an make j -= gap OK
                temp is v[j]      an
                v[j] is v[j+gap]  an
                v[j+gap] is temp

SayBro like, B there OB square!  CheckItOut


Little Gregory wakes up in the middle of the night feeling alone and 
scared. He goes into his mother's room for comfort and he sees his mom 
standing naked in front of the mirror. She is rubbing her chest and 
groaning, "I want a man, I want a man." Shaking his head in bewilderment, 
Gregory takes off to bed. Next night the same thing happens. On the third 
night, Gregory wakes up and goes into his mom's room but this time there 
is a man in bed with his mom.
Gregory hoofs back to his room and whips off his pajamas, rubs his chest 
and groans " I want a bike, I want a bike." 


                      California Driving Test Answers
The following are a sampling of REAL answers received on exams given
by the California Department of Transportation's driving school (read
at Saturday Traffic School for moving violation offenders.)

Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road?
A: What for? He can't see my license plate.

Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop
   at the same time?
A: The pick up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying
   "Guns don't kill people. I do."

Q: What are the important safety tips to remember when backing your
A: Always wear a condom.

Q: When driving through fog, what should you use?
A: Your car.

Q: How can you reduce the possibility of having an accident?
A: Be too shit faced to find your keys.

Q: What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk
A: I'd probably lose my buzz a lot faster.

Q: What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no
   longer drive lawfully?
A: I would be forced to drive unlawfully.

Q: What are some points to remember when passing or being passed?
A: Make eye contact and wave "hello" if he/she is cute.

Q: What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light
   and a flashing yellow traffic light?
A: The color.

Q: How do you deal with heavy traffic?
A: Heavy psychedelics.

Q: What can you do to help ease a heavy traffic problem?
A: Carry loaded weapons.

Q: Why would it be difficult to be a police officer?
A: It would be tough to be a dickhead all day long.


The angry wife met her husband at the door.  His breath stunk of
alcohol and his face was plastered with lipstick. "I assume," she
barked, "there is a very good reason for you to come drifting in
at six o'clock in the morning?"
"There is!" he replied, "Breakfast."


What did Jeffrey Dahmer say to Pee Wee Herman in their holding cell at
the jail?

"Stop playing with my lunch."


BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
If you don't like it, just hit RELOAD

By voting you are helping select today's best joke. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best jokes to send in our daily best humor mailing.

But wait! Don't forget to read

Today's Stories
Today's Poems
Today's Quotes
Today's Funny Pic

 April '20 Jokes Issues:
S  M  T  W  Th F  St
         1  2  3  4  
5  6  7  8  9  10 11 
12 13 14 15 16 17 18 
19 20 21 22 23 24 25 
26 27 28 29 30 

Jump to  

For any questions or comments email us at
Copyright© SpekGY, Inc, 1998-2016. All rights reserved.