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Today's jokes [4.1.20]

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   Stolen Car
   A man walks out of a bar, stumbling back and forth with a key in his
   hand. A cop on the
   beat sees him, and approaches, "Can I help you, sir?" "Yesssh!
   Sssshomebody ssshtole
   my car!" the man replies. The cop asks, "Where was your car the last
   time you saw it?"
   "It wasssh at the end of thisssh key!" the man replies, logically, if
   a bit too literally. About
   this time the cop looks down to see that the man's member is being
   exhibited for all the
   world to see. He asks the man, "Sir, are you aware that you are
   exposing yourself?"
   The man looks down woefully and without missing a beat, moans "OHHH
   GOD . . . they
   got my girlfriend too!!!"
   


1. 




What is the Australian for foreplay?

Brace yourself, Sheila!

And the Welsh?

Are you awake, Gwen?

2. 




If the Franklin Mint made toasters...
Every month, you would receive another lovely hand-crafted
piece of your authentic Civil War pewter toaster.

3. 




   There was a married couple who were in a terrible accident. The
   woman's face was burned severely. The doctor told the husband they
   couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was so skinny.
   
   The husband then donated some of his skin..... however, the only place
   suitable to the doctor was from his buttocks.
   
   The husband requested that no one be told of this, because after all
   this was a very delicate matter!
   
   After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's
   new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever did before! All
   her friends and relatives just raved about her youthful beauty!
   
   She was alone with her husband one day and she wanted to thank him for
   what he had done. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for
   everything you did for me! There is no way I could ever repay you!!!"
   
   He replied, "Oh don't worry, Honey, I get plenty thanks enough every
   time your mother comes over and kisses you on your cheek!!"
   


4. 




Two homosexuals were talking when one of them happened to
mention that he had gotten circumcised last week.
"Can I see it?" asked the second gay homosexual, so he promptly
dropped his pants to show off his cock.
"Oooh," squealed his friend, "You look ten years younger!"

5. 



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