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Today's jokes [3.8.20]

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Have you heard about the new Mechanical Whore?

    -She gives a licking and keeps on ticking. 

1. 




A priest and a rabbi operated a church and a synagogue
across the street from each other. Since their schedules
intertwined, they decided to go in together to buy a car.
So they did. They drove it home and parked it in the
street between their establishments. 

A few minutes later, the rabbi looked out and saw the
priest sprinkling water on their new car. It didn't need
a wash, so he ran out and asked the priest what he was
doing. "I'm blessing it" the priest replied.

The rabbi replied "Oh," then he ran back into the synagogue.
He reappeared a few minutes later with a hack saw, ran to the
car and cut off the last 2 inches of the tailpipe. 

2. 




   In 1993, the University of Kentucky did a study to see why the head of
   a man's penis was
   larger than the shaft. After one year and $ 80,000.00, they concluded
   that the reason the
   head was larger than the shaft was to give the man more pleasure
   during sex.
   After the study was published, the University of South Carolina
   decided to do their own
   study. After $250,000.00, and 3 years of research, they concluded that
   the reason was to
   give the woman more pleasure during sex.
   The University of Georgia, unsatisfied with these findings, conducted
   their own study.
   After 2 weeks and a cost of around $75.46, they concluded that it was
   to keep a man's
   hand from flying off and hitting him in the forehead.
   


3. 




Q: What do you do with 365 used rubbers?
A: Make a tire and call it a good year.


4. 




Dirty Johnny's father walks into the bathroom and catches him jerking
   off.
   
   He says, "Son, every time you do that you kill an innocent baby."
   
   The next day his father walks into the bathroom and catches him again.
   
   Johnny says, "Bow your head, Pop. Can't you see we're having a
   funeral?"
   


5. 



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