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Today's jokes [3.4.20]

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Did you hear the one about the guy who had five penises ?
He had a pair of underpants that fitted him like a glove.....

1. 




Microsoft Market Penetration
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

INTRODUCING CONTRACEPTIVE98 ! ! !

Microsoft Corporation has taken another step toward dominating every
aspect of American life with the introduction of Contraceptive98, a
suite of applications designed for users who engage in sex. Microsoft
has been a pioneer in peer-to-peer connectivity and plug and play. It
believes these technologies will give it substantial leverage in
penetrating the copulation enhancement market.

The product addresses two important user concerns: the need for
virus protection and the need for a firewall to ensure the
non-propagation of life.

The Contraceptive98 suite consists of three products: Condom98,
DeFetus 1.0 (from Sementec), and AIDScan 2.1 (from Norton
Utilities). A free copy of Intercourse Explorer 4.0 is bundled in the
package. The suite also comes in two expanded versions.
Contraceptive98 Professional is the Client / Server edition, for
professionals in the sexual services sector.

Contraceptive98 Small Business Edition is a package for start-ups,
aimed at the housewife and gigolo niches.

While Contraceptive98 does not address non-traditional copulatory
channels, future plug-ins are planned for next year. They will be
known as BackDoor, AuraLee, TitElation, and JerkOff.

OPERATION

Only one node in a peer-to-peer connection needs to install the
package. At installation, the Condom98 software checks for minimum
hardware. If the user meets the requirements, the product installs and
is sufficiently scaleable to meet most requirements. After
installation, operation commences. One caution is that the user must
have sufficient RAM to complete the session. When the session is
complete, a disconnect is initiated, and the user gets the message,
"It is now safe to turn off your partner."

DRAWBACKS

Usability testers report that frequent failures were a major concern
during beta testing. General Protection Fault was the most serious
error encountered. Early versions had numerous bugs, but most of these
have been eliminated. The product needs to be installed each time its
used.

CONCLUSION

Contraceptive98 is a robust product. Despite its drawbacks, it is a
reasonably good value for its $49.95 price tag, and is far superior to
its shareware version. Hopefully, future releases (of the software,
that is) will add missing functionality, such as Backout and Restore,
Uninterruptible Power Supply, and Onboard Camera (Peepy Cam).
Microsoft CEO Bill Gates is optimistic about Contraceptive98's
potential. He recently said, "Our contraceptive products will help our
customers do to each other what we've been doing to them for years."



2. 




It was the age when knighthood was in flower.
A young lady was pounding away at a piece of
iron with a sledgehammer. Another young lady
saw her and asked, "What are you doing?"
The first one answered, "I'm making socks and
sweater for some soldier boy!"

3. 




Good News, Bad News, Worse News VII
 
  Good: 
        The postman's early
   Bad: 
        He's wearing fatigues and carrying an AK47
 Worse: 
        You gave him nothing for Christmas

4. 




A kid at a sleep-away camp wrote home,
"Please send me some food. All they serve here are meals."

5. 



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