Today's jokes [3.17.20]
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Two Polish guys are discussing one's upcoming wedding... "I'm not sure if
my future bride is a virgin or not."
His buddy replies, "Oh, there's an easy test for that. All you need is
some red paint, some blue paint and a shovel. You paint one ball red and
one ball blue. On your honeymoon, if she laughs and says 'Those are
the funniest balls I've ever seen!' you hit her with the shovel!"
Johnny (age 8) comes into the house for dinner after playing outside all
afternoon. His parents ask him what he did today. He says that he played
baseball and then he proposed to Betty (age 7) the next door neighbor.
They are going to get married. His parents think this is cute, and they
don't want to make fun of Johnny so they ask Johnny him "How are you and
Betty going to pay for the expenses of being married?" He replies "Well
with the $1 I get each week from you and the $1 she gets from her Mom and
Dad, we should do o.k." His father says "That's fine, but how will you pay
the extra expenses if you and Betty have a baby?" Johnny answers "Well, so
far, we've been lucky..."
Three guys go into a bar, one in a wheelchair, one
is blind and the other appears normal. A couple
of minutes later, God walks in to get a beer. He
sees the guys and decides to have compassion on
He touches the blind guy on the forehead, and his
sight is restored. He touches the man in the
wheelchair and the guy jumps up and walks away.
He walks to the last guy and the guy yells, 'Whoa,
God! I'm on workman's comp!'
The village blacksmith finally found an apprentice willing to work hard at
low pay for long hours. The blacksmith immediately began his instructions
to the lad, "When I take the shoe out of the fire, I'll lay it on the
anvil; and when I nod my head, you hit it with this hammer."
The apprentice did just as he told. Now he's the village blacksmith.
On visting a seriously ill lawyer in the hospital, his friend found him
sitting up in the bed, frantically leafing through the bible "What are
you doing?" asked the friend. "Looking for loopholes," repied the lawyer.
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