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Today's jokes [3.17.20]

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Two Polish guys are discussing one's upcoming wedding... "I'm not sure if
my future bride is a virgin or not."
His buddy replies, "Oh, there's an easy test for that.  All you need is
some red paint, some blue paint and a shovel.  You paint one ball red and
one ball blue.  On your honeymoon, if she laughs and says 'Those are
the funniest balls I've ever seen!' you hit her with the shovel!"

1. 




Johnny (age 8) comes into the house for dinner after playing outside all 
afternoon. His parents ask him what he did today. He says that he played 
baseball and then he proposed to Betty (age 7) the next door neighbor. 
They are going to get married. His parents think this is cute, and they 
don't want to make fun of Johnny so they ask Johnny him "How are you and 
Betty going to pay for the expenses of being married?" He replies "Well 
with the $1 I get each week from you and the $1 she gets from her Mom and 
Dad, we should do o.k." His father says "That's fine, but how will you pay 
the extra expenses if you and Betty have a baby?" Johnny answers "Well, so 
far, we've been lucky..."

2. 




Three guys go into a bar, one in a wheelchair, one 
is blind and the other appears normal. A couple 
of minutes later, God walks in to get a beer. He 
sees the guys and decides to have compassion on 
them. 
He touches the blind guy on the forehead, and his 
sight is restored. He touches the man in the 
wheelchair and the guy jumps up and walks away. 
He walks to the last guy and the guy yells, 'Whoa, 
God! I'm on workman's comp!'

3. 




The village blacksmith finally found an apprentice willing to work hard at 
low pay for long hours. The blacksmith immediately began his instructions 
to the lad, "When I take the shoe out of the fire, I'll lay it on the 
anvil; and when I nod my head, you hit it with this hammer." 
The apprentice did just as he told. Now he's the village blacksmith.  

4. 




On visting a seriously ill lawyer in the hospital, his friend found him
sitting up in the bed, frantically leafing through the bible "What are
you doing?" asked the friend. "Looking for loopholes," repied the lawyer. 

5. 



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