Today's Jokes  |  Archives  |  Lists  |  Random  |  Register  |  RandJoke on Your Page  
 


Today's jokes [2.6.20]

Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes. Also, links to joke categories and "Email Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your joke reading.


   I can't help but wonder sometimes though why lovemaking is almost
   always referred to in theatrical terms. For example, surely you've
   heard men refer to their "performance". Well, even these days I don't
   have a lot of trouble with that.
   
   But... since I'm now past fifty, the "encores" are getting tuffer and
   tuffer.


1. 




Back in the '70s, days of conspicuous (ahem) consumption, Hugh Hefner was 
showing a friend around the Playboy Mansion. At one point, Hefner turned 
to his friend, and said, "Did you ever hear this joke? A woman receives 
flowers from her boyfriend. She turns to her friend, and says, `Oh, great. 
Now I'll have to spend the whole weekend with my legs in the air.' `Why?' 
says her friend. `Don't you have a vase?'" 

They laugh, and then Hefner opens a door with a flourish. Inside, women 
are reclining on couches, naked as jaybirds, with flowers protruding from 
their vaginas. Hefner and his friend have another laugh and are flirting 
with the girls when suddenly, from the next room, there is a bloodcurdling 
shriek!

"What was that?" starts Hefner's friend. 

"Oh, probably just the umbrella stand..." 

2. 




A lady was in a hardware store looking at a 
fishing poles. She asked the store manager how 
much it was he said 'I am blind drop it on the 
ground and i'll tell ya. She dropped it on the 
ground.'Aahh that's 10.00.' 
She bent down and let a big fart that everyone 
heard. But, she really wanted the pole so she 
picked it up. And went to pay for it. 'That 
will be 20.00' 
'But you said 10.00' 
'10.00 extra for the stink bait and duck call.

3. 




Bill and Hillary are at the first baseball game of the season. Suddenly
Clinton grabs Hillary by the
collar and throws her over the side and onto the field. The stunned
umpire shouted, "No, Mr. President!
I said, Throw the first PITCH!"

4. 




Q: What's the worst thing about washing your cat?
A: Getting the fur off your tongue afterwards.

5. 



BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
If you don't like it, just hit RELOAD





By voting you are helping select today's best joke. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best jokes to send in our daily best humor mailing.

But wait! Don't forget to read

Today's Stories
Today's Poems
Today's Quotes
Today's Funny Pic

 February '20 Jokes Issues:
S  M  T  W  Th F  St
                  1  
2  3  4  5  6  7  8  
9  10 11 12 13 14 15 
16 17 18 19 20 21 22 
23 24 25 26 27 28 29 

Jump to  



For any questions or comments email us at info@jokes2go.com
Copyright© SpekGY, Inc, 1998-2016. All rights reserved.