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Today's jokes [2.13.20]

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A woman strode angrily into the large drug-store-cum-general-store, 
slapped a package on the counter, and loudly expressed her 
dissatisfaction.
The clerk asked, "What's the problem? Wouldn't your cat eat them?"
The woman's eyes got very large, and she whispered,
"Do you mean to tell me that Pussy Treats are meant for 'cats'?" 

1. 




A couple married forty years were revisiting the same places
they went to on their honeymoon. Driving through the secluded
countryside, they passed a ranch with a tall deer fence running
along the road.
The woman said, "Sweetheart, let's do the same thing we did
here forty years ago."
The guy stopped the car. His wife backed against the fence, and
he immediately jumped her bones like a bass on a junebug. They
made love like never before.
Back in the car, the guy says, "Darlin', you sure never moved
like that forty years ago--or any time since that I can remember!"
The woman says, "Forty years ago that goddamn fence wasn't electrified!" 

2. 




A psychiatrist met a friend and exclaimed, "I heard you died."
"But you see I'm alive ," smiled the friend. "Impossible," said the 
psychiatrist. "The man who told me is much more reliable than you."



3. 




One blonde to another...

Have you ever read Shakespeare?

No. Who wrote it?

4. 




Tombstone Epitaph 
Someone determined to be anonymous in Stowe, Vermont:
I was somebody.
Who, is no business of yours.

5. 



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