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Today's jokes [11.16.20]

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A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband 
stalking around with a fly swatter.

"What are you doing?" She asked.

"Hunting Flies" He responded.

"Oh.  Killing any?" She asked.

"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.

Intrigued, she asked.  "How can you tell?"

He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."

1. 




An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess; 
the route they were flying had a stay-over in another city. Upon their 
arrival the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline 
personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, 
he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in 
at the hotel and called her up, wondering what happened to her.

She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room.

"You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she 
sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign
on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"

2. 




The Seven Most Important Men in a Woman's Life

The Doctor - who tells her to "take off all her clothes." 
The Dentist - who tells her to "open wide." 
The Milkman - who asks her "do you want it in the front or the back?" 
The Hairdresser - who asks her "do you want it teased or blown?" 
The Interior Designer - who tells her "once it's inside, you'll LOVE it!" 
The Banker - who insists to her "if you take it out too soon, you'll lose 
interest!" 
The Primal Hunter - who always goes deep into the bush, always shoots 
twice, always eats what he shoots, but keeps telling her "Keep quiet and 
lie still!" 

3. 




A young woman on a rough Atlantic crossing was in her cabin undressing 
then suddenly she was overcome by sea sickness. In a panic she rushed 
into the corridor and headed for the bathroom. It was not until she 
collided with an elderly gentleman that she realized she didn't have a 
stitch of clothing on.

Horrified, she let out a shriek.

Her fellow sufferer looked at her sadly. "Don't let it bother you,
miss," he moaned. "I'll never live to tell anyone."

4. 




A woman asks: "Why don't men get mad cow disease?"

Another woman replies: "Because men are pigs!"

5. 



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