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Today's jokes [11.15.20]

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Three fellows walking along the beach noticed a mermaid sitting on a rock 
swishing her tail in the foam. The first man waded out to her and said, 
Hello mermaid! Have you ever been kissed?" 

She replied, "no sir!" 

So he kissed her quite thoroughly and asked, "Did you like that?" 

"Oh, indeed I did, sir!" she replied 

The second man went out to her and asked,"Mermaid, have you ever had your 
breasts fondled?" 

"No sir," she replied. So he set to and fondled and caressed and then 
asked, "How did you like that?" 

She replied," It was most pleasurable, sir." 

The third fellow approached and asked," Mermaid, have you ever been 
fucked?" 

"No sir," she replied. 

He said, "Well you have been now--the tide's gone out!"

1. 




What do Marriage and a Tornado have in common? 

Well you start off with a lot of blowing and then sucking,
and then next thing you know your house is gone!

2. 




A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, 
their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they 
made passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the wild sex, they 
fell asleep, awakening around 8.00 p.m. As the man threw on his clothes, 
he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the 
grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied. 

He slipped into his shoes and drove home. 
 
Where have you been!" demanded his wife when he entered the house. 
 
"Darling, I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my 
secretary, and we've been having sex all afternoon. I fell asleep and 
didn't wake up until 8.00 p.m." 
 
The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You lying bastard! 
You've been playing golf!!"

3. 




What do true rednecks do on Halloween? 

- Pump kin.

4. 




There was a middle-aged couple that had two stunningly beautiful 
teenage daughters. They decided to try one last time for the son 
they always wanted. After months of trying, the wife finally 
became pregnant, and sure enough, delivered a healthy baby boy nine 
months later. 

The joyful father rushed into the nursery to see his new son. He 
took one look and was horrified to see the ugliest child he had ever 
seen. 
 
He went to his wife and said that there was no way he could be 
the father of that child. 

 
"Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!" Then he gave her 
a stern look and asked, "Have you been fooling around on me?" 

The wife just smiled sweetly and said, "Not this time"! 

5. 



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