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Today's jokes [10.4.20]

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Mike and Keith are playing golf one hot Sunday afternoon.
   While approaching the sixteenth hole, they notice an old golfer teeing up 
   by himself. The two friends stop and wait for the older golfer to finish 
   his hole. After the old man drives the ball a considerable distance down 
   the fairway, he collapses on the green. Mike and Keith run up the fellow 
   to help. After feeling the old man's pulse, Mike tells Keith to run to the 
   club house and call 911.
   Keith leaves and returns about two minutes later after making the
   call. Upon returning Keith, sees the old man naked and bent over a nearby 
   bench. Meanwhile, Mike is screwing the unconscious man vigorously. Keith 
   in astonishment says, "Hey, What are you doing? I thought you were going to
   give him CPR." Mike replies, "Well, it started off that way."


1. 




Why do they call it PMS?

Mad Cow disease was already taken.



2. 




Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?

Everyone has the same DNA.

3. 




Two So-Cal guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in 
court before the judge. The judge said, "You seem like nice young men, and 
I'd like to give you a second chance rather than jail time. I want you to
go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use and get them 
to give up drugs forever. I'll see you back in court Monday.

Monday, the two guys were in court, and the judge said to the first one, 
"How did you do over the weekend?"
"Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever." 
"17 people? That's wonderful. What did you tell them?"
"I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this: 
                      _
                    /   \
                   |     |        O 
                    \ _ /

and told them this (the big circle) is your brain before drugs and this 
(small circle) is your brain after drugs."

"That's admirable," said the judge. "And you, how did you do?" (to the 2nd 
boy)

"Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever." 

"156 people! That's amazing! How did you manage to do that!" 

"Well, I used the same two circles.  I pointed to the
small circle and told them, "this is your asshole before prison......"

4. 




A visitor from Holland was chatting with his American friend 
and was jokingly explaining about the red, white and blue in 
the Netherlands flag. 

"Our flag symbolizes our taxes," he said.  "We get red when 
we talk about them, white when we get our tax bill, and blue 
after we pay them." 

"That's the same with us," the American said, "only we see 
stars, too." 

5. 



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