Today's jokes [10.23.20]
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A Greek and Italian were sitting down one day debating who had the
The Greek says, "We have the Parthenon"
The Italian says, "We have the Colosseum"
The Greek says "We had great Mathematicians"
The Italian says "We had the Roman Empire"
...and so on and so on and then the Greek says: "We invented sex"
The Italian says "That is true, but it was the Italians who
introduced it to women."
In Jerusalem, a female journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had
been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, everyday, for a long,
long time. So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall and
there he was! She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he
turned to leave, she approached him for an interview.
"I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. Sir, how long have you been coming to the
Western Wall and praying?"
"For about 60 years."
"60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?"
"I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims. I pray for
all the hatred to stop and I pray for all our children to grow up in safety
"How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?"
"Like I'm talking to a fucking wall."
An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a
young girl for the night. Surprised, she looks at the ancient man and
asks how old he is. "I'm 90 years old," he says.
"90!" replies the woman. "Don't you realize you've had it?"
"Oh, sorry," says the old man, "how much do I owe you?"
An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on
scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.
They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If
I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump
off this building."
The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, Burritos again! If I get
burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."
The blond opened his lunch and said, Bologna again! If I get a bologna
sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."
The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and
cabbage, and jumped to his death. The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a
burrito, and jumped, too. The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna
and jumped to his death as well.
At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known
how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have
given it to him again!" The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could
have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so
Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. The blonde's wife said,
"Don't look at me. He makes his own lunch."
What is the difference between girls aged:
8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58 and 68?
At 8 - You take her to bed and tell her a story.
At 18 - You tell her a story and take her to bed.
At 28 - You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed.
At 38 - She tells you a story and takes you to bed.
At 48 - You tell her a story to avoid going to bed.
At 58 - You stay in bed to avoid her story.
At 68 - If you take her to bed, that'll be a story!!
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