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Today's jokes [10.19.20]

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Boss (too employee): Experts say that humor on the job
relieves tension in this time of down-sizing! Knock, knock.

Employee: Who's there?

Boss: Not you anymore.

1. 




Robert goes golfing every Saturday. One Saturday, he comes home three hours
late. His wife asks him, "What took you so long?"

The guy says, "That was the worst game of golf I've ever had. We got up to
the first tee, and Charlie hit a hole-in-one and immediately dropped dead
of a heart attack."

The guy's wife says, "That's terrible!"

The guy says, "I know. Then, for the rest of the game, it was hit the ball,
drag Charlie, hit the ball, drag Charlie, hit the ball, drag Charlie..."

2. 




A policeman pulls over a driver for swerving in and out of lanes on the
highway. He tells the guy to blow a breath into a breathalyzer.

"I can't do that, officer."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm an asthmatic. I could get an asthma attack if I blow into that
tube."
"Okay, we'll just get a urine sample down at the station."
"Can't do that either, officer."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm a diabetic. I could get low blood sugar if I pee in a cup."
"Alright, we could get a blood sample."
"Can't do that either, officer."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm a hemophiliac. If I give blood I could die."
"Fine then, just walk this white line."
"Can't do that either, officer."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm drunk."

3. 




A man walked into the doctors, he said, "I've hurt my arm in several places" 

The doctor said, "Well don't go there anymore"

4. 




Why do elephants paint thier testicles red?

So they can hide in cherry trees.

AND

What's the loudest noise in the jungle?

A Monkey eating cherries.

5. 



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