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Today's jokes [10.16.20]

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A group of people were in a shipwreck and were stranded on an island.

The group consisted of 12 women and 1 man. After a few months, the women
grew horny and it was decided that the man needed to take two women a day
and they allowed him to have Sundays off.

One day on a day off, he was just relaxing when he noticed a boat nearing.
He felt hopeful that maybe they would be rescued, at last.

The boat was almost to the island when the guy noticed it was a man in the
boat. As he got out the first guy said "Oh my God buddy, am I ever glad to
see YOU, To which the second guy responded "Well alright sweetie! It's been
a long time for me too."

The first man exclaimed "Oh hell, there go my Sundays!"

1. 




This is a passenger announcement.

The train on platform one, two, three, four, five, six, seven,
eight, nine, ten, eleven and twelve has come in sideways.

2. 




What did the impatient helicopter say to its clumsy mechanic?

"Chop chop."

3. 




Paddy and his two friends are talking at a bar.

His first friend says: "I think my wife is having an affair with the
electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed
and they weren't mine."

His second friend says: "I think my wife is having an affair with the
plumber the other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn't mine."

Paddy says: "I think my wife is having an affair with a horse." Both his
friends look at him with utter disbelief.

"No, I'm serious. The other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed."

4. 




I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him $50
that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf.

He said, "No  bet, the steaks are too high."

5. 



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