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Today's jokes [10.1.20]

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Six guys were playing poker when Smith loses $500 on a single hand, 
clutches his chest and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for
their fallen comrade, the other five complete their playing time
standing up. 
Roberts looks around and asks, "Now, who is going to tell the wife?" 
They draw straws. Rippington, who is always a loser, picks the short one. 
They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any 
worse than it is. 
"Gentlemen! Discreet? I'm the most discreet man you will ever meet. 
Discretion is my middle name, leave it to me." 
Rippington walks over to the Smith house and knocks on the door.
The wife answers and asks what he wants. 
Rippington says, "Your husband just lost $500 playing cards." 
She hollers, "TELL HIM TO DROP DEAD!" 
Rippington says, "I'll tell him."

1. 




A driver pulled up beside a rundown farmhouse. He got out and 
knocked at the door. A very old woman answered the door, and 
he asked her for directions to Des Moines.

"Don't know," the woman said.

He got back in his car and pulled away. Then he heard voices. 
He looked in his rearview mirror and saw the woman and an 
equally old man waving for him to come back. So he made a U- 
turn and drove up to them.

"This is my husband," the old woman said. "He doesn't know 
how to get to Des Moines either."

2. 




What's the national anthem of Puerto Rico?

"Attention K-Mart shoppers..."

3. 




Why haven't Women landed on the Moon? 

     - Because it doesn't need cleaning yet! 

4. 




Little Johnny goes into a pharmacy and asks the chemist for some rubbers.
The chemist puts a pack of rubbers on the counter. Johnny looks at the
rubbers and asks the chemist if he has any other kind. The chemist goes
into the back and brings out another pack. "Nah," says Johnny, "what else
do you have?" "Well," the chemist replies, "the only other kind that I
have are the ones with all the bumps and ridges on them. Do you know what
these will do to a woman?" Little Johnny says, "No... but they'll make a
goat jump about two feet off of the ground!"

5. 



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