Today's jokes [9.17.19]
Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes.
Also, links to joke categories and "Email Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your joke reading.
Creative Sighing for Effect. Sigh loudly when there are
many people around, giving the impression that you are
very hard pressed.
What is the difference between boogers and spinach?
You can't get your kids to eat spinach.
There was an airplane full of a shipment of Pepsi flying over Africa.
It suddenly had a malfunction and went down. A few weeks later,
PepsiCo sent a rescue plane out to look for the lost plane. They found the
wreckage but were unable to locate the crew. They searched the area
and found a tribe of cannibals. They walked up to the Chief of the tribe
and asked him if he knew anything about the crash. The Chief says,
"Yeah". When asked where the crew was the Chief replied, "We ate the
crew and drank the Pepsi." The Rescue crew was shocked. One man asked,
"Did you eat their legs?" The chief replied, "We ate their legs and we
drank the Pepsi." Another rescuer asked, "Did you eat their arms?" The
Chief said, "We ate their arms, and we drank the Pepsi". After looking
totally perplexed for a minute a third added, "Did you...you
their....things"?? The chief says, "No." "No?" asked the rescuers.
"NO", replied the Chief, " THINGS go better with COKE!!!"
Mike Tyson gets out of jail and proceeds to do what he does best... find a
woman with whom he may "commiserate". After a wild night of getting it on,
it's time for the young lady to leave. As she's getting dressed, she and
Mike are having a conversation.
She says, "Lotsa guys want to know how it was. Well, I have good news and
bad news for you. Which would you like first?"
Mike thinks for a moment and says, "What the hell, give me the good news."
She tells him, "The good news is that you're bigger than Magic Johnson."
Four surgeons were taking a coffee break and were discussing their
work. The first said, "I think accountants are the easiest to operate
on. You open them up and everything inside is numbered."
The second said, "I think librarians are the easiest to operate on.
You open them up and everything inside is in alphabetical order."
The third said, "I like to operate on electricians. You open them up
and everything inside is color-coded."
The fourth one said, "I like to operate on lawyers. They're heartless
spineless, gutless, and their heads and their ass are
By voting you are helping select today's best joke. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best jokes to send in our daily best humor mailing.
Today's StoriesToday's PoemsToday's QuotesToday's Funny Pic
S M T W Th F St
1 2 3 4 5 6 7
8 9 10 11 12 13 14
15 16 17 18 19 20 21
22 23 24 25 26 27 28