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Today's jokes [9.17.19]

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Creative Sighing for Effect. Sigh loudly when there are
many people around, giving the impression that you are
very hard pressed.

1. 




What is the difference between boogers and spinach?

                    You can't get your kids to eat spinach.

2. 




There was an airplane full of a shipment of Pepsi flying over Africa.
   It suddenly had a malfunction and went down. A few weeks later,
   PepsiCo sent a rescue plane out to look for the lost plane. They found the
   wreckage but were unable to locate the crew. They searched the area
   and found a tribe of cannibals. They walked up to the Chief of the tribe
   and asked him if he knew anything about the crash. The Chief says,
   "Yeah". When asked where the crew was the Chief replied, "We ate the
   crew and drank the Pepsi." The Rescue crew was shocked. One man asked,
   "Did you eat their legs?" The chief replied, "We ate their legs and we
   drank the Pepsi." Another rescuer asked, "Did you eat their arms?" The
   Chief said, "We ate their arms, and we drank the Pepsi". After looking
   totally perplexed for a minute a third added, "Did you...you
   know...eat
   their....things"?? The chief says, "No." "No?" asked the rescuers.
   "NO", replied the Chief, " THINGS go better with COKE!!!"


3. 




Mike Tyson gets out of jail and proceeds to do what he does best... find a 
woman with whom he may "commiserate". After a wild night of getting it on, 
it's time for the young lady to leave. As she's getting dressed, she and 
Mike are having a conversation. 

She says, "Lotsa guys want to know how it was. Well, I have good news and 
bad news for you. Which would you like first?" 

Mike thinks for a moment and says, "What the hell, give me the good news." 

She tells him, "The good news is that you're bigger than Magic Johnson."

4. 




   Four surgeons were taking a coffee break and were discussing their
   work. The first said, "I think accountants are the easiest to operate
   on. You open them up and everything inside is numbered."
   
   The second said, "I think librarians are the easiest to operate on.
   You open them up and everything inside is in alphabetical order."
   
   The third said, "I like to operate on electricians. You open them up
   and everything inside is color-coded."
   
   The fourth one said, "I like to operate on lawyers. They're heartless
   spineless, gutless, and their heads and their ass are
   interchangeable."
   


5. 



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