Today's jokes [9.15.19]
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What came first, the chicken or the egg?
- I'd have to say it was the rooster!
Once upon a time, a beautiful, independent, self assured princess
happened upon a frog in a pond.
The frog said to the princess, "I was once a handsome prince until an
evil witch put a spell on me. One kiss from you and will turn back
into a prince and then we can marry, move into the castle with my mom
and you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children and
forever feel happy doing so."
That night, while the princess dined on frog legs, she kept laughing
and saying, "I don't think so."
It's a beautiful warm spring day and a man and his wife are at the
zoo. She's wearing a cute, loose-fitting, pink spring dress,
sleeveless w/straps. As they walk through the ape exhibit and pass in
front of a very large gorilla, the gorilla goes ape. He jumps up on
the bars, holding on w/one hand (and 2 feet), grunting and pounding
his chest w/the free hand. He is obviously excited at the pretty lady
in the sheer dress.
The husband, noticing the excitement, suggests that his wife tease the
poor fellow. He tells her to pucker her lips, wiggle her bottom, and
flirt w/the ape.
She does and the gorilla gets even more excited, making noises that
would wake the dead. Then the husband suggests that she let one of her
straps fall; she does, and the gorilla is so excited, he's just about
to tear the bars down.
The husband then suggests that the wife lift her dress up above the
thighs... this drives the gorilla absolutely crazy.
Then, quickly the husband grabs his wife by the hair, rips open the
door to the cage, slings her in w/the gorilla and says, "Now, tell him
you have a headache."
A lady goes in to take a tennis lesson, and the instructor notices she is
using the wrong grip. After several failed attempts to correct her, he
finally says "OK,, just grip it like you do your husband's member".
After that, she immediately rips a couple of top spin winners down the
line. The instructor says, "Wow that's great. Now just try taking the
racquet out of your mouth."
An old man and old woman got married and went on their honeymoon. They
were in bed
getting ready to have sex for the first time and the old woman said I
should tell you I have
acute angina The old man says I hope so, you sure don't have cute
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