Today's jokes [9.12.19]
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What is the difference between a golf ball and a g-spot?
A man will spend two hours searching for a golf ball.
A Texan bought a round of drinks for all in the bar and
announced that his wife had just produced a typical Texas
baby, weighing a whopping twenty pounds.
"WOW!" was the response from everyone at the bar.
Two weeks later the Texan returned to the bar. The bartender
recognized him and asked, "Aren't you the father of the baby
that weighed twenty pounds at birth? How much does he weigh
The proud father answered, "10 pounds."
The bartender said, "Why? I know that babies lose some
weight after birth, but ten pounds? He did weigh twenty
pounds, didn't he? What happened?
The proud Texas father said, "Just had him circumcised!"
How did Revlon come up with it's brunette hair color?
By studying what oil spills did to seaweed.
A popular whore house was visited by a lesbian. The lesbian requested a 15
year old, and the madam replied
"I'm sorry, we don't serve minors to lickers."
The Pentagon decided one day that there were to many
Generals, so they decided to offer early retirement to
three of them. They called Congress and asked them to vote
on a method of determining each General's early retirement
bonus. After voting Congress decided that each man would
choose two points of their body to measure between and then
each man would be paid $10,000 per inch.
They called in the first General. He decide to have
them measure from the top of his head to the bottom of his
feet. Upon measuring it to 6 feet, they paid him $720,000.
The next General, thinking a little bit more, stretched
his arms above his head, and asked them to measure from the
tips of his fingers, to the bottom of his feet. After
measuring 8 feet, they paid him $960,000.
The next General, with a smug look on his face, asked
them to measure from the tip of his penis to the bottom of
his balls. Congress decided to call in a medical officer.
The medical officer asked the General to drop his pants.
The medical officer lifted the General's penis to make the
measurement, but instead he exclaimed, "Good God man, where
are your balls!!" With a smile the General said, "I left
them in Vietnam."
Sent by Sparky and Wife
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