Today's jokes [8.7.19]
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A fellow picked up a girl in a bar and took her home with him. After some
preliminary drinks and talk, they got undressed, climbed into bed and
generally got organized for a leg over. After a few minutes, the girl
started laughing. The fellow asked her what she found so amusing. "Your
organ," she replied. "It's a bit on the small side." Hurt, he replied:
"It's not used to playing in cathedrals."
Politically Correct Feminine Terminology
Have you ever wanted to talk about a girl but was afraid that you
would offend the person standing near you?...NOT. Well, if you are, then
here are some alternatives to some popular phrases.
I found them on a poster, but I don't remember which one.
She is not: An airhead
She is: Reality Impaired
She is not: A Bleached Blond
She is: Peroxide Dependant
She is not: A babe or chick
She is: A Breasted American
She does not have: Major league hooters
She is: Pectorally Superior
She does not have: A Great Tan
She is: Pigmentally Enhanced
You do not want to: Score or pick her up
You want to: Attempt a Horizontal Encounter
She is not: A perfect 10
She is: Numerically Superior
She does not have: A great butt
She has: A Superior Posterior
If she does not want to get: Married or hitched
She does not want: Domestic Incarceration
She is not: Half naked
She is: Wardrobe Impaired
She does not have: A perfect body
She is: Anatomically Gifted
She is not: Drunk or tipsy
She is: Chemically Inconvenienced
She is not: Small or short
She is: Vertically Challenged
Corporal Conroy needed to use a pay phone, but didn't have
change for a dollar. He saw Private Duncan mopping the base's
corridor floors, and asked him,
"Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"
Private Duncan replied, "Sure."
The Corporal turned red. He said, "That's no way to address a
superior officer! Now let's try it again. Private, do you have
change for a dollar?"
Private Duncan replied, "No, SIR!"
Ed, Ted and their wives went out camping one weekend. Ed and Ted slept in
one tent while the wives used the other.
At about three in the morning, Ted woke up and yelled, "Wow,
Which woke Ed.
"What's going on?" said Ed.
"I've got to go to the other tent and find my wife." said Ted.
"How come?" said Ed.
"To have sex! I just woke up with the biggest hard-on I've ever had in my
life!" said Ted
After a pause, Ed said, "Do you want me to come with you?"
"Hell, no! Why would I want you to do that?" said Ted.
"Because that's my dick you're holding," said Ed.
Q. What do you call a Marine with an IQ of 160?
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