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Today's jokes [6.7.19]

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A man walked into a gift shop that sold religious items. Near
the cash register he saw a display of caps with "WWJD"
printed on all of them. He was puzzled over what the letters
could mean, but couldn't figure it out, so he asked the clerk.

The clerk replied that the letters stood for "What Would Jesus
Do", and was meant to inspire people to not make rash
decisions, but rather to imagine what Jesus would do in the
same situation.

The man thought a moment and then replied, "Well, I'm damn
sure Jesus wouldn't pay $17.95 for one of these caps."

1. 




After she woke up, a woman told her husband, "I just dreamed
that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day. What
do you think it means?"

"You'll know tonight." he said.

That evening, the man came home with a package and gave it to
his wife. Delighted, she opened it - to find a book entitled
"The meaning of dreams" 

2. 




Three Pastors from the south were having lunch in a diner. One said, "Ya 
know, since summer started I've been having trouble with bats in my loft 
and attic at church. I've tried everything-noise, spray, cats-nothing
seems to scare them away. 

Another said, "Yea, me too. I've got hundreds living in my belfry and in 
the attic. I've even had the place fumigated, and they won't go away." 

The third said, "I baptized all mine, and made them members of the 
church... Haven't seen one back since!" 

3. 




What can Calista Flockhart do with dental floss?

                         Hang herself.

4. 




A Jewish boy was walking with his girlfriend on the grounds of his 
father's house. His father was a successful doctor, and was carrying out
a circumcision in the on-site surgery. As they were walking, they heard
a scream and a foreskin flew out of the window and landed at the girl's 
feet.
"What's this," she asked.
"Taste it," he replied, "If you like it, I'll give you a whole one!" 

5. 



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