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Today's jokes [6.10.19]

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Little Harry walks in the bathroom and sees his mum with no clothes on, 
standing in front of him, he looks up at her private parts he asks
"What's that mum ? " His mum frozen tried to think what to say, finally 
she came up with the following, "That's where your dad accidentially hit 
me with an axe!" and little Harry replies, "Good shot, right in the CUNT!"


1. 




Attorney to witness: "And where was the location of the 
accident?"

Witness: "Approximately milepost 499."

Attorney: "And where is milepost 499?"

Witness: "About halfway between milepost 498 and milepost 
500."

2. 




How do you get a man to do situps?

Glue the TV remote between his ankles...

3. 




A tourist from the United States of America is at a resturant
in Havana.  He tells the waiter that the USA is the best
country in the world because of the freedoms it has.  He says,
"Take Freedom of Speech for example.  I could stand in front
of the White House in Washington D.C. and yell 'President
Clinton is a bastard!' and nothing would be done to me."  The
Cuban waiter replies, "We have that same freedom in Cuba.  I
could stand in front of El Capital and yell the same thing and
nothing would be done to me too!"

4. 




Two men are having an awfully slow round of
golf because the two ladies in front of them
managed to get into every sand trap, lake, and
rough on the course, and they didn't bother to
wave the men on through, which is proper golf
etiquette.

After two hours of waiting and waiting, one man
said, "I think I'll walk up there and ask those
gals to let us play through." He walked out to
the fairway, got halfway to the ladies, stopped,
turned around and came back, explaining, "I can't
do it. One of those women is my wife and the other
is my mistress. Maybe you'd better go talk to them."

The second man walked toward the ladies, go halfway
there and, just as his partner had done, stopped,
turned around and walked back.

He smiled sheepishly and said, "Small World!" 

5. 



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