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Today's jokes [5.7.19]

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English: This is your Captain speaking, we have leveled off and are 
cruising at flight level three five zero, feel free to move about the 
cabin, also the First Officer has turned off the no smoking sign, the 
flight attendants will be serving cocktails and refreshments momentarily, 
so just sit back and enjoy the rest of the flight, we'll be arriving at
our destination in 20 minutes, and I expect no delays. Enjoy the rest of 
your flight. 

Ebonics: Ebonia Airlines Dis be yo' main man, we be chillin at tray-five 
-o, if you be flexin get up off yo ass and shake that thang, my homey be 
killin the man's opression if you wanna smoke chronic, just hang loose 
blood, them bitches be cruizin on up with some forty-ounce 8-ball, so stop 
trippin and sit your ass back down, we be in the hood in no time afterall, 
i be bumpin switches all da' way. Peace out!

1. 




A city boy was visiting the country and wanted to go hunting. 
The farmer lent the boy his gun, telling him not to kill any farm 
animals. 

The city boy headed off and soon after saw a goat. He 
managed to creep into range and finally shot it. Not knowing 
anything about animals, the boy didn't know what he'd killed 
so he ran to the farmhouse and described his kill to the farmer.

"It had two saggy tits, a beard, a hard head and it stunk like 
hell!" said the boy.

"Oh, shit!" said the farmer. "You've shot the wife!"

2. 




"First," said the playboy,
"I'm going to buy you a few drinks and get you a bit loose."
"Oh no you're not," said the girl.
"Then I'll take you to dinner and ply you with a few more drinks."
"Oh no you're not."
"Then I'll take you to my place and keep serving you drinks."
"Oh no you're not."
"Then I'm going to make violent, passionate love to you."
"Oh no you're not."
"And I'm not going to wear a condom either!" said the guy.
"Oh yes you are!" said the girl.

3. 




Q. Why do men name their penises? 

A. Because they want to be on a first-name basis with the person who
makes all their decisions.


4. 




A preacher was completing a temperance sermon: with great 
expression he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd
take it and throw it into the river."

With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had all the wine 
in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."

And then finally, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the 
world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." He sat down.

The song leader then stood very cautiously and announced with 
a smile, "For our closing song, let us sing Hymn # 365:
"Shall We Gather at the River."

5. 



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