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Today's jokes [4.2.19]

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A man went to his dentist because he feels something
wrong in his mouth. The dentist examines him and says,
"that new upper plate I put in for you six months ago is
eroding. What have you been eating?" The man replies, "all
I can think of is that about four months ago my wife made
some asparagus and put some stuff on it that was
delicious...Hollandaise sauce. I loved it so much I now put
it on everything --- meat, toast, fish, vegtables, everything."

"Well," says the dentist, "that's probably the problem.
Hollindaise sauce is made with lots of lemon juice, which is
highly corrosive. It's eaten away your upper plate. I'll make
you a new plate, and this time use chrome." "Why
chrome?" asks the patient. 

To which the dentist replies,
"It's simple. Everyone knows that there's no plate like
chrome for the Hollandaise!"

1. 




A man came storming out of the courthouse ranting and raving; obviously 
really angry . He stomped accross the street and into the bar and flounced 
down on a stool muttering, "Asshole attorneys". 
The man next to him recoiled in outrage saying "I want you to know I 
highly resent that remark".
"Why, are you an attorney?"
"No, I'm an asshole."

2. 




"You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man of
your background," sneered the lawyer at a witness on the stand. "If I 
wasn't under oath, I'd return the compliment," replied the witness.



3. 




Another yamamma...

Your mamma is so fat when god said let there be light
he asked her to step out of the way

Sent by tuna fish

4. 




Q: Does pregnancy cause hemorrhoids?

A: Pregnancy causes anything you want to blame it for.

5. 



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