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Today's jokes [3.8.19]

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A boy finished cutting the lawn of a priest...the grass was very thick
and long, and it took the boy about 4 hours to cut. He approached
the Father for payment and the priest paid him $1.00.
The boy said "Thank you, virgin Father!"
The priest replied, "What did you say?"
The boy repeated, "Thank you, virgin Father!"
The priest asked him, "Do you know what that means?"
The boy replied, "Yes.... tight ass!"

1. 




Answering Machine Recording:
"You have reached the breast self-examination hot line. Please press 1 
now.......Now press the other one." 

2. 




Q: Why did the woman cross the road?
A: More to the point, what was she doing outside of the kitchen?


3. 




So this guy was out on his front lawn flying a kite,
he was really having a difficult time. The kite was
swinging wildly, not exactly what you'd describe as
stable, so his wife sticks her head out the door and
says, "Gee Ralph, it looks like you need more tail." 

Ralph replies "Make up your goddamn mind, last night
you told me to go fly a kite!" 

4. 




A woman entered the hospital to deliver her 15th child. "Congratulations," 
said the nurse, "but don't you think this is enough?" The woman replied, 
"Are you kidding? This is the only vacation I get each year."

5. 



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