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Today's jokes [3.6.19]

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Sobel goes into the optometrist's office.
He opens the door and says to the receptionist, "I think I need my eyes
checked."
She says, "You're not kidding. This is the Ladies Room."

1. 




HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and 
cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing 
the same thing to them at funerals.

2. 




Why did clinton follow the chicken across the road?                                                         be\
cause, he couldn't get his dick out of its ass.

Sent by BL.STEVENS

3. 




The seven kinds of passionate women 

   1.The Optimist 
     - "Yes! Yes! Yes!" 

   2.The Pessimist 
     - "No! No! No!" 

   3.The Confused 
     - "Yes! No! Yes! No! Yes! Yes! No! No!" 

   4.The Asthmatic 
     - written rendition of gasping 

   5.The Sprinter 
     - "Faster! Agh! Faster! Faster!" 

   6.The Religious 
     - "Oh God! Oh God! Oh God! 

   7.The Mathematician 
     - "More! More! More! More! 

4. 




A construction worker came home just in time to find his wife in bed with 
another man. So he dragged the man down the stairs to the garage and put 
his Wet Willy in a vise. He secured it tightly and removed the handle. 
Then he picked up a hacksaw. The man, terrified, screamed, "Stop! Stop! 
You're not going to...to...cut it off, are you???!?" The husband said, 
with a gleam of revenge in his eye, "Nope. You are. I'm going to set the 
garage on fire." 



5. 



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