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Today's jokes [3.4.19]

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What do you get when you cross a Rooster with an owl?

A Cock that can stay up all night!!



1. 




"So you're writing a down-to-earth story?"

"Yes, about a parachute jumper."



2. 




This bloke picks up woman at the local pub. They go for a romantic
walk down the street. They walk hand in hand and as they stroll his
lustful desires rise to a fever pitch.
He is just about to put the  hard word on her when she says, "I hope you don't
mind but I'm busting to have a piss".
Slightly taken aback by this vulgarity he replies, "OK why
don't you go behind these bushes".
She nods in agreement and disappears behind the bushes.
As he waits he can hear the sound of nylon knickers rolling
down her voluptuous legs and imagines what is being exposed.
Unable to contain himself for another moment, he reaches through
a gap in the foliage, his hand touching her leg. He quickly brings his
hand further up her thigh until suddenly he finds himself gripping a long,
thick appendage hanging between her legs.
He shouts in horror "My God, don't tell me your really a bloke!".
"No" she replies", "I've changed my mind, I'm having a shit instead."

3. 




Buford: Man, have you got a drinking problem! Mongo: The hell I do! 
Buford: The hell you don't!
Mongo: I don't have a drinking problem. I drink...I get drunk...I fall 
down. No problem! 

4. 




   Teaching
   The teacher had given the class an assignment.
   He stresses the importance of this particular assignment, and that no
   excuses will be
   accepted except illness (with a medical certificate) or a death in the
   immediate family (with a
   note from that member).
   A smart-ass student pipes up: "What about extreme sexual exhaustion,
   sir?"
   The class breaks up laughing, and when they settle down the teacher
   responds with:
   "Well, I guess you'll have to learn to write with your other hand."
   


5. 



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