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Today's jokes [2.3.19]

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A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car.
Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the
blonde behind the wheel was knitting.
The trooper cranked down his window and yelled to the
driver--"PULL OVER!"

"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "SCARF!"

1. 




On a plane bound for New York the flight attendant approached
   a blonde sitting in the first class section and requested that she
   move to coach since she did not have a first class ticket. The blonde
   replied, "I'm blonde; I'm beautiful; I'm going to New York; and I'm
   not moving."
   Not wanting to argue with a customer, the flight attendant asked the
   co-pilot to speak with her. He went to talk with the woman, asking her
   to please move out of the first class section. Again, the blonde
   replied, "I'm blonde; I'm beautiful; I'm going to New York, and I'm
   not moving."
   The co-pilot returned to the cockpit and asked the captain what he
   should do. The captain said, "I'm married to a blonde, and I know how
   to handle this."
   He went to the first class section and whispered in the blonde's ear.
   She immediately jumped up and ran to the coach section mumbling to
   herself, "Why didn't someone just say so?"
   Surprised, the flight attendant and the co-pilot asked what he said to
   her that finally convinced her to move from her seat. He said, "I told
   her the first class section wasn't going to New York."


2. 




A little kid comes running into the backyard.
He says, "Pop! Pop! Ma just got hit by a bus!"
"Son, you know my lips are chapped. Please don't make me smile."

3. 




Q. What's O. J. Simpson's Internet address? 

A. Slash, slash, backslash, slash, slash, escape. 

4. 




How do you give a cowboy a hard-on?

Moooo-ooo-ooo 

5. 



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