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Today's jokes [11.8.19]

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What does it mean when the flag at the
Post Office is flying at half mast?

             They're hiring. 

1. 




One afternoon this young girl knocked on the door of her neighbor,
to chit chat the afternoon away. She walked in and said my god you
look so depressed. 
She said you bet I am, look what my damm husband sent me...six
dozen roses. Now you know what that means? I'm going to have to
spend this whole weekend on my back with my legs spread. 
Now that's really silly, why don't you use a vase? 

2. 




Two blokes were out walking home from work one afternoon.
"Shit," said the first bloke, "as soon as I get home, I'm gonna rip the
wife's knickers off!"
"What's the rush?" his mate asked.
"The bloody elastic in the legs is killing me," the bloke replied.

3. 




Question: What is every Amish
      woman's private fantasy?

       Answer: Two Mennonite!

4. 




Whats the difference between a regular toad and a horney toad?

A regular toad croaks "Ribbit Ribbit" while a horney toad croaks "Rub-it
Rub-it"

5. 



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