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Today's jokes [11.1.19]

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The duffer muffed his tee shot into the woods, then hit into a few trees, 
then proceeded to hit across the fairway into another woods. Finally, 
after banging away several more times, he proceeded to hit into a sand 
trap. 
All the while, he'd noticed that the club professional had been watching. 
"What club should I use now?" he asked the pro. 
"I don't know," the pro replied. "What game are you playing?"

1. 




So the new conductor addresses the orchestra. He tells them that
things are going to change, that everyone will be expected to be
on time and that they will work for many long hours. The timpanist,
expressing his displeasure at the turn of events, belts out on the
drums BOOM-BOOM- BOOM-BOOM. The conductor, whirling around
furiously, says, "Alright, who did that?!" 

2. 




   A woman with really hairy underarms boards a crowded bus. Unable to
   find a seat, she settles for hanging onto one of the poles.
   
   A drunk man next to her stares at her for three minutes, then tells
   her, "I love a woman that does aerobics."
   
   The woman replies angrily, "I don't DO aerobics!"
   
   The drunk man then looks at the woman and says, "Then how did you get
   your leg up so high?"
   


3. 




Two Scotsmen met 25 years after their last get-together. They hugged and 
slapped each others back and tears formed in their eyes as they renewed 
their old friendship.
"Let's have a drink like we did in the old days," the first Scot
winked at his mate.
"Aye," his mate replied. "And don't forget it's your shout."

4. 




Whats black and white and red all over?

A nun in a car accident.

5. 



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