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Today's jokes [10.10.19]

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One day, this man, Tony, died. When he was sent to be 
judged, he was told that he had committed a sin, and that he 
could not go to heaven right away. He asked what he did and 
God told him that he cheated on his income taxes, and that the 
only way he could get into heaven would be to sleep with a 500 
pound, stupid, butt-ugly woman for the next five years and 
enjoy it. Tony decided that this was a small price to pay for an 
eternity in heaven. So off he went with this enormous woman, 
pretending to be happy.

As he was walking along, he saw his friend Carlos up ahead. 
Carlos was with an even bigger, uglier woman than he was with. 
When he approached Carlos he asked him what was going on, 
and Carlos replied, "I cheated on my income taxes and 
scammed the government out of a lot of money...even more 
then you did." They both shook their heads in understanding 
and figured that as long as they have to be with these women, 
they might as well hang out together to help pass the time.

Now Tony, Carlos, and their two beastly women were walking 
along, minding their own business when Tony and Carlos could 
have sworn that they saw their friend Jon up ahead, only this 
man was with an absolutely drop dead gorgeous supermodel / 
centerfold. Stunned, Tony and Carlos approached the man and 
in fact it was their friend Jon. They asked him how is he with 
this unbelievable goddess, while they were stuck with these 
god-awful women.

Jon replied, "I have no idea, and I'm definitely not complaining. 
This has been absolutely the best time of my life (and I'm 
dead,) and I have five years of the best sex any man could hope 
for to look forward to. There is only one thing that I can't seem 
to understand. After everytime we have sex, she rolls over and 
murmur's to herself, "Damn income taxes!"

1. 




Appear to Work Late. Always leave the office late,
especially when the boss is still around. You could read
magazines and storybooks that you always wanted to read but
have no time until late before leaving. Make sure you walk
past the boss' room on your way out. Send important emails
at unearthly hours (e.g. 9:35pm, 7:05am, etc...) and during
public holidays.

2. 




Did you hear about the new course you can take at school?
Yes, Intercourse....you go between periods and you are expected to come.



3. 




The Naming of Jesus


A group of biblical scholars were involved in a heated discussion about how Jesus of Nazareth 
was named. How did he become known as the Messiah, or Christ. One of the scholars argued that 
the name was a Greek corruption of Aramaic, and purists and fundamentalists ought to use the 
name Joshua. Another argued that Joshua was Hebrew, not Aramaic, to which a third argued that 
Hebrew should be used because Jesus was said to be the King of the Jews. The debate went on 
and on and became more and more sophisticated and obtuse. Finally, an old man known for his 
wisdom intervened. He informed the group that he knew how Jesus was named. When Jesus was born, 
a star shown in the sky, and three wise men from the East travelled to Bethlehem. They had 
travelled for days, suffered great deprivation, and when they finally got to Bethlehem got 
lost trying to find the manger. Finally, after much ado, and in rather foul moods, they 
reached the manger and entered the stall. As one of them came through the door, he tripped on 
the door sill, and fell into the wall hitting his head. "Jesus Christ!" he screamed, and
that is how the baby was named. 

4. 




Mac vs. Etch-a-Sketch:

                                         You Decide



                                                __________
                                               |  ______  |
 ________                                      | |      | |
| ______ |        'But that isn't a fair       | |      | |
||      ||         comparison.  People         | |______| |
||______||        like the Etch-A-Sketch.'     |          |
| o    o |                                     | _ _ _ _ _|
|________|                                    (|__________|\
                                              |     ________)_
Roger Earl                                   [^]   |          |
roger_earl@outbound.wimsey.bc.ca             [_]   |__________|


After admiring the above signature I thought I'd post a comparison,
similar to the other great computer wars.

                                Etch-A-Sketch           Mac Classic

No. of Colours                        2                     2
Resolution                        ~2000*~2000           512 * 342
No. of buttons                        2                     1
Preemptive Multitasking              Yes                    No
Hardware line draw                   Yes                    No
Price                                < $20                ~ $1000
Power Consumption                     No                   Yes
Laptop                               Yes                    No
Slow Operating System                 No                   Yes
Non Volatile Memory                  Yes                    No
Choice of Coloured box               Yes                    No
Robust design (shakeable)            Yes                    No

After considering the above options, I decided to buy the Etch-A-Sketch.
For all you die-hard Amiga fanatics out there rumour has it that the
Etch-A-Sketch-Emulator is coming out for the Amiga, and will in fact
be faster than the true E-A-S.



5. 



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