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Today's jokes [1.9.19]

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"But this isn't an engagement ring." the young lady protested. 
"Why it's just a tiny unset diamond."

"Yeah ! I know." said the fellow, "And, it'll be mounted in a 
cluster around a big one, the very day after you are."

1. 




A New York boy was being led through the swamps of
Louisiana by his cousin. "Is it true that an alligator won't
attack you if you carry a flashlight?"
The cousin smirked and replied, "Depends on how fast ya
carry the flashlight."

2. 




A young boy on his way home from school must pass by a group of 
hookers. Everyday as he passes them, the hookers wave at him with 
their pinkies and say "Hi there little boy!!"

One day the boy stops and asks one of the hookers why they always 
wave at him with their pinkies. They reply: "well, that is what size 
we imagine your penis to be... it is just a joke!"

The next day on his way home, the hookers repeat the tradition. The 
young boy stops and drops his school books on the ground, sticks all 
his fingers in his mouth to stretch his lips very wide and says, "HI 
THERE LADIES!

3. 




Moon Mission

NASA is launching a rocket to the moon. On board there are two  pigs and 
Kiki, a stunning blonde. When the rocket is outside the stratosphere, the 
first stage drops off.
Contact is made: "Houston here, Pig 1, Pig 1, do you read us? Over."
"Oink, oink, here Pig 1, read you loud and clear."
"Pig 1, do you still know your instructions?"
"Yes, when we get to the moon, I press the red button to initiate the moon 
landing. Over."
"That's right. Over and out."
They go on until the rocket separates its booster stage.
"Hello, Pig 2? Come in please."
"Oink, oink, here Pig 2, read you loud and clear."
"OK, Pig 2 do you remember your instructions?"
"Yes, when we've landed on the moon and are ready to leave, I press on the 
green button to initiate the launch program."
"That's right, Pig 2. Over and out."
An hour later, when the rocket has achieved the correct speed the last 
stage drops off as planned. Ground control contacts the astronauts again.
"Houston here, Kiki, come in. Kiki do you read us?"
"Kiki here, reading you loud and clear."
"Kiki, do you remember your instructions?"
"Yes," Kiki says, "I feed the two pigs and keep my hands off any buttons."

4. 




The little darlings were all in their seats on the first day of school and 
their new teacher introduced herself. She wrote on the board that her name 
is Ms. Prussy and the day passed without any further incidents. 

The next morning after greeting the class she asked if anyone remembered 
her name and little johnny waved frantically. The teacher taken by his 
enthusiasm called on him. In a timid voice he said "Miss Crunt?"

5. 



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