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Today's jokes [1.12.19]

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A man was walking down the street when he noticed his grandpa sitting on 
the porch, in the rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down. 
"Grandpa, what are you doing?" he exclaimed.

The old man looked off in the distance and did not answer him. "Grandpa,
what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?" he
asked again.

The old man slyly looked at him and said, "Well, last week I sat out here
with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. This was your Grandma's idea!"

1. 




Age       FAVORITE SPORT

        17         shopping
        25         shopping
        35         shopping
        48         shopping
        66         shopping



2. 




The scene was Mount Olympus, where Bacchus, the Greek 
god of wine, had thrown a party for a pair of visiting Roman 
deities -- Ceres, the goddess of agriculture, and Janus, the two-
faced god of doors and beginnings. Everyone overdid it, more or 
less. Ceres at one point was staggering and turning in circles; 
Janus, equally submerged, was trying to dance with her. 
Bacchus feared that the pair might fall over, so he went to 
steady them. .... This marked the first time that a whirled Ceres 
was held with a double-header.

3. 




Hillary Clinton, Chelsea Clinton, and Bill Clinton are sitting in a
helicopter and Bill starts to think. He sits there for about 15 minutes
and finally Hillary asks why he is looking so sad.
He says, "I just was wondering what I could do for the poor countries."
"Well " says Chelsea, "you could throw $100,000 out the window of the
helicopter. I'm sure that the poor will get some of it."
He agrees that it's a good idea and he does.
About 5 minutes later he starts thinking again.
Hillary asks "Why do you still look so sad? You just threw $100,000 out
the window of the helicopter. That helped a lot of poor people."
He says "I still feel like I didn't do enough."
She says "Well, Bill, why don't you throw another $100,000 out the
window? That should make a lot of people happy."
Again he says it's a good idea and he does.
A few moments later and again he looks unhappy and he says "I still
don't think I've done enough."
This time the helicopter pilot pipes up and says "Why don't you throw
yourself out the goddamn window...that will make everyone in America happy."



4. 




More cool than funny, but... 

racecar <===> racecar 
drawer <===> reward 
repaid <===> diaper 
straw <===> warts 
evian <===> naive [there's a message here, I think!] 
smug <===> gums 
star <===> rats 
step <===> pets 
step on <===> no pets

5. 



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