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Today's jokes [8.11.18]

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A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day
by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park.

As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway.

The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast
out and headed home.

Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat!

He kept taking the cat further and further and the cat would always beat
him home. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then
left, past the bridge, then right again and another right until he reached
what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there.

Hours later the man calls home to his wife: "Jen, is the cat there?"

"Yes," the wife answers, "why do you ask?"

Frustrated, the man answered, "Put that son of a ***** on the phone, I'm
lost! and need directions!"

1. 




What do you call a fish with no eyes?

A fsh.

2. 




There's a teacher in a small Texas town. She asks her class how many of
them are Bush fans. Not really knowing what a Bush fan is, but wanting to
be liked by the teacher, all the kids raise their hands except one boy -
Johnny.

The teacher asks Johnny why he has decided to be different. Johnny says,
"I'm not a Bush fan."

The teacher says, "Why aren't you a Bush fan?"

Johnny says, "I'm a John F. Kerry fan." The teacher asks why he's a Kerry
fan. The boy says, "Well, my mom's a Kerry fan, and my Dad's a Kerry fan,
so I'm a Kerry fan!"

The teacher is kind of angry, because this is Texas, so she says, "What if
you're Mom was a moron, and you're dad was an idiot, what would that make you?"

Johnny says, "That would make me a Bush fan."

3. 




This is a passenger announcement.

The train on platform one, two, three, four, five, six, seven,
eight, nine, ten, eleven and twelve has come in sideways.

4. 




The teacher asked little Johnny if he knows his numbers.

"Yes," he said. "I do. My father taught me." "Good. What comes after
three." "Four," answers the boy.

"What comes after six?" "Seven."

"Very good," says the teacher. "Your dad did a good job. What comes after ten?"

"A Jack."

5. 



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