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Today's jokes [5.1.18]

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One of my first evenings back from overseas, my girl's understanding 
parents left us alone in the living room. 
Naturally, we did not talk all the time. In the midst of a kiss, I noticed 
her little sister in her nightgown watching us from the doorway.
"If you will be a good girl and go to bed, I will give you a quarter," I 
said to her.
Without taking the bribe or saying a word, she ran off but soon was back 
again.
"Here is a dollar," she said. "I wanna watch."

1. 




Q: Why do cavemen drag women by the hair instead of ankles?
A: So they don't fill up with rocks!!!


2. 




Arnold Swartzeneger and Sylvester Stallone are making a
movie about the lives of the great composers. 
Stallone says "I want to be Mozart." 
Swartzeneger says: "In that case... I'll be Bach." 

3. 




What did the elephant say to the naked man?

That's cute, but can it pick up peanuts!

4. 




A middle-aged man recieves a brazillian parrot for his
birthday. The only problem with this parrot is its attitude
due to the influence of its former owner, who is now a
deceased truck driver. The parrot loves to swear up and down
at everything it sees. One day the man comes home with a
gorgeous woman for a candle lit dinner. The first thing the
parrot says is " Hey bitch how much for a handjob". She
takes one look at our middle-aged friend, and runs out the
door. The next night, Our friend is visited by his mother.
The parrot opens up with,"I'll suck that crusty coin-slot
crack of yours for a senior citizen discount, if you lose
that over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder, and wiggle those
droopy dum dums for me. Our friend recieves a smack that
leaves a fire-engine-red print, followed by a future threat
from his father. Well Our frustrated friend can stands no
more. He grabs the little motherfucker and throws it into
the freezer. After about 15 minutes of swearing and kicking
from the bad bird, all is quiet. Another 5 min of silence
passes by. Our friend gets curious and opens the fridge.
The bird calmly perches on his finger. "Have you learned
your lesson?", he sternly said. All the parrot can say is
"I sure have. I just have one question. What the Fuck
happened to the chicken?

Sent by Rob

5. 



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