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Today's jokes [4.4.18]

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A young kid's in a shipwreck and he winds up stranded on a tropical 
island. For twenty years he never sees another human being. Then one day a 
beautiful girl with long blond hair, her clothes half-ripped off, washes 
up on a piece of driftwood. He explains to her how he existed for twenty 
years, digging for clams, and eating fruits and berries. She says, "Well, 
what did you do for love?" He says, "Love? What's that?" She says, "I'll 
show you." She shows him. Then she shows him again. Then she shows him
one more time. When they're finally done, she says, "Well, how do you like 
love?" He says, "It's great. But look what you did to my clam digger."

1. 




The moon shown silver on the waters of the lake, and the waves that were 
beating on the shore were hardly equal in intensity to the waves of 
passion nearby. One ardent couple paused long enough for the young man to
whisper, "Darling am I the first man to make love to you ?"
Her tone upon answering was slightly more than irritable. "Of course you 
are!" she said. "And also the best too. I don't know why you men always 
ask the same old ridiculous questions."

2. 




   This guys is sitting at the end of a bar. Each time someone comes in
   the door he says,
   rapidly,"Tickle your ass with a feather?" At which point they usually
   ask him what it was
   he said, and he then says, "Terribly nasty weather." They then go off
   looking confused. A
   drunk a few stools down observes this and finally says, "Say, buddy, I
   see what'cher
   doin'-- you're putting people on! When somebody comes in the door you
   say, Tickle your
   ass with a feather, and when they say, What did you say to me? you
   say, terribly nasty
   weather." So the guy says to the drunk, "Yeah, it's fun putting people
   on. Come on down
   here and you do the next one that comes in." The drunk moves down to
   the end of the bar.
   In a few moments a person enters, and he says to her: "Stick a feather
   up your ass? She
   said, excuse me, what did you say? He says, can you believe this
   fucking weather?
   


3. 




Will sell for parts one F-117 Plane in wrecked condition. Self pick-up 
from Yugoslavia by buyer

4. 




The McCartney kids are at the family ranch anxiously
awaiting news of their mother. 
Paul emerges from his wife's bedroom. 
"Kid's......there's good news and bad news." 
"The bad news is your mother's strength and will to
live has been sucked away by her awful disease and she
died a few moments ago" 
"The good news is.... It's steak and chips for dinner!" 

5. 



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