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Today's quotes [3.6.18]

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"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the
second one didn't."

                                         -Patrick Murray


My wife doesn't care what I do away from home, as long as I don't enjoy it.


I put instant coffee into a microwave oven. I almost went backin time.

                                            - Steven Wright


If you die on an elevator, be sure to press the UP button. 


Early to bed, early to rise, and your girl goes out with other guys.


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